


The Golden Ring

by DianaAnui



Category: Big Bang (Band), EXO (Band), SHINee, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Bottom Byun Baekhyun, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Haphephobia, Loss of Virginity, Love, M/M, Teacher-Student Relationship, Top Park Chanyeol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2020-12-16 23:56:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 26,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21044906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DianaAnui/pseuds/DianaAnui
Summary: Baekhyun just wanted a normal life.Maybe his new English teacher, ChanYeol can help him with that





	1. [CHAPTER 001]

**Author's Note:**

> Before u jump into the story I just wanna clear things out, kay? ^3^
> 
> My mother language is not English so u gonna find a lot of grammar errors so if you allergic to that.. please leave >.> Or if my grammar errors really that bad you can help me with correcting it ^-^
> 
> I'm also writing this book in my language wich is Hungarian.
> 
> !DO NOT PALAGIARIZE! Imma come for u if u do <.<
> 
> Oh and the chapters always be short ♥

I was laughing with my best friend while talking about how we will hate the new English teacher. The school named our class the Devil Children and of course there is a specific reason for that. My classmates are kinda jerks with the teachers they're not afraid to talk back. In one year four teacher resigned because of my class.

The first one who wanted to hit the literature in our head, even I didn't care about her. She had an annoying voice anyway, it almost raped our ears, she left the class crying one day and she never came back.

The second was a young math teacher, but my class mates didn't talked back to him that often, he was just an egoistic bastard who couldn't stand the criticism so he left.

The next victim is no other than our physical education teacher, honestly the whole school hated her. She was expecting us to run in the fricking cold. What can I say .. Who the hell is wants to run in the cold when you can talk with your pals?

The last one is our good old English teacher .. Who didn't hated that man? He wanted us to write exasm everyday of curriculum that we didn't even learned yet. I'm just going to say.. He's retired now. Good for him.

My class is not stupid, in fact, they can be really smart, they just need to hire better people. For example, everyone likes the singing and the drawing teacher.

So whoever this new guy is, if he has one bad move, he'll end up in the hospital.

The bell ringed with a loud scream but we didn't shut up. After a few minutes, everyone waited impatiently for that particular person to finally appear and when the door handle was pressed down for some reason, the room went silent. I frowned, but I didn't take my eyes off the door, which slowly opened.

He stepped in.

He walked to the teacher's desk with elegant, measured steps. He looked at the classroom and a grin appeared on his lips. I don't think I was the only one who stopped breathing.

This. Man. Is. Fucking. HOT!

Jesus, where did they find this hotness? It's like having toothpaste, hair and skin care advertising models crumpled in one and he is the result. I just can't take my eyes off him. I'm just trying to absorb every detail on him and store it in my brain hoping I'll never forget it.

I have no idea how old he is but he looks so damn young ... especially because of his hair. It's not boring - like mine - but his red hair is lookin like it's almost on fire.. On his upper body, a black shirt showed his elaborate muscles, not to mention his jeans, which perfectly wrapped his long legs.

The grin was still sitting on his face, showing his cute dimples, his ears looks a little funny, but fuck it, it only makes him more charismatic. And his eyes ... shining with determination, ready to completely dismantle this class while wrapping us around his fingers. I stared deeply into his irises and noticed that he was looking at me as Kibum tapped on the table.

My face turned deep red, I can hear my heart beating crazy, trying to burst out of its place.

My breathing got heavier, I put my hand on my chest trying to calm myself, not like its going to do something.. Byun BaekHyun get yourself together, you're no longer a kid!

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and when I was sure my face was no longer red, I opened my eyes. As it happened I wanted to punch myself in the face because he was talking.

Who knows how long, but his lips - those beautiful lips - were moving .. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that my ears ruled out every single factor.

His voice is ... amazing. Deep, yet soft. You can hear in his voice he's ready for anything. His smile didn't fade for a moment as he introduced himself.

Park ChanYeol..

I like it.. I mean I don't like Mr. Park, I just like his name! Of course. Why would I like him? Huh, good joke.


	2. [CHAPTER 002]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first language is not English ^-^

I've never put myself in such an akward position. Mr. Park asked the students to introduce themselves one by one and when I was the next I completly froze. The main reason was that his beautiful eyes crawled into my soul.

I opened my lips but no words left my throat, and I even choked on my saliva.

Luckily Kibum told Mr. Park that I had a bad day. I'm grateful for him but stull.. My face literally got burned in front of the sexy teacher so I rested my head on the desk dor the entire time, actually I wanted to beat myself but oh well. There's no need for me looking more stupid.

As I rested my head on the desk I listened to Mr. Park's soothing voice. I wouldn't mind if I could record it. I'd sleep and wake up to this everyday.. That would be so cool.

It seemed like a million years before the bell rang, I lifted my self but Mr. Park was till standing in the classroom. The fuck? Leave already! I mean.. it's not a problem if he stays, I'd be really happy with it it's just.. I don't want to embarrass myself twice in one day.

He said something I couldn't understand again because I was focusing on his face. My heart skipped a beat - maybe two - when he gave me a quick glance with a wink .. He wants me to die?!

Jerk!

A sexy jerk..

Kibum flicked my ear and all he got from me was an angry look, he knows exactly how much I hate physical contact. I love Bummie, we have been inseparable since we were little, but I can't stand when someone touches me.

It's sends a strange wave of shock through my body when somebody touches me. I don't find it strange it's not like I'm the only person who hates physical contact. Of course my best friend always gives me the 'talk' about how I'm going to get laid if I'm disgusted. My answer is always a shrug.

"What's up with you Baek? Ever since Mr. Park came in here you just froze and I don't have my hairdryer to heat you up" he joked.

"Ha-ha very funny. Nothin' I'm just suprised.

"At how handsome he is? I agree" he stood up and started goin towards the door. "Why are you still sitting? Come one it's break time" he tilted his head and I did what se said. "To be honest, I'd seduce him but he's not single."

I frowned.

"Not single? I didn't heard him saying that."

"He didn't. He had a ring on his finger a gold one and it looked hell of expensive" Kibum stated. "It would have been a good fuck though.. Huh that's my luck I guess."

"Bummie.."

"What?! You wouldn't touch his muscles while he's hovering over you and moving his cock- oh wait. Byun BaekHyun doesn't like it when someone touches him" he pressed my face I immediately hit his hand away, my cheeks burned red.

"I have no idea why are we still friends." I rolled my eyes leaning against the wall trying to het the stupid scene out of my head that this bitch has planted in it.

"Because we love each other" he put his hand on his hips. "and because if I wasn't here for you who would talk to you?" he laughed when I didn't react. "Just kidding baby you know I love you" he blowed a kiss in the air. I shooked my head whit a small smile.

Me and him are so different.. I would never trade him for anyone, and no matter how painful to admit it but he's right. I'm blocked. So many people wanted to become my friend but I always pushed them away. I'm only in a nodding acquaintance with my class. The only person I can stand - beside my parenst and brother - is Kibum. I known him for fifteen years and I still don't like it when he touches me.

I can't tell you how many times I tried to break the tall walls that functioned like a prison around me but it never worked, and now I'm just standing still not making any progress, I feel like nothing can save me. It's sucks to think that I have to live my life like this.

Because nobody can break me.


	3. [CHAPTER 003]

For some reason I woke up with a good mood in the morning. I wasn't grumpy or tired I didn't need that extra five minutes after my morning call. I just got out of bed ready to go to school.

I can't explain it but I wanted to look better today. I mean I always look good but I just want to get my hotter side out of me.

Instead of an oversized t-shirt I choose a tighter one and rather of sweatpants I slipped black jeans on.

Altough I never wore makeup I had this opinion that it would only make me even more girlish and I already look nicer than some girsl out there, and the makeup would only add to this feeling. Kibum offered several times that he can do it for me but I always refused it for two reasons.

One. I didn't wanted his fingers around my face, two I didn't need it. Like.. It's not like I need it righ now but as is said before I feel like it.

I tried to do something with my boring brown hair brt in the end I just curled it with some water. With the eyeliner I poked myself in the eye like ten times. After an hour of suffering I was ready to go.

I didn't had time to eat breakfast, I was happy that I had time to brush my teeth.

My parents watched me with raised eyebrows as I just skipped few stair steps with a jump, I picked up my keys and rushed to the bus stop without saying goodbye. I know that my mom or dad can take me with the car but I want to avoid their questions. They're so curious sometimes not like I have a problem with that, I love them, they raised me.

I catched the bus in time. I was affraid that my makeup got ruined because of the running but since no one laughed or looked at me weirdly I booked it as if everything was okay.

They may have been empty seats but I just don't wanted to sit down, who know who sat there before. I got goosebumps from the thought. Also I never gripped the handdrails so I always prayed with squeezed lips not to fall. Over the year I developed my own technique to not to fall wich is suprising to me as I known being clumsy, literally I can tip over on air.

As I enterted the school a lot of eyes landed on me. I'd love to slap myself. Why did I thought it's going to be a good idea to pamper myself a little? Maybe I overdo it? I may have shocked them, they never seen me like this, even on holidays the shirt and the pants hanged on me.

Let's be honest.. tight clothes are fucking uncomfortable after a while.. Sit in it, your balls going to feel it. But we have to suffer for everything.

With my head hanging low I went into the classroom not lookin up even for a moment. I sat sown on my seat and started to play with my fingers.

Okay, I shouldn't be a jerk to my mates so a 'good morning' left my lips.

Kibum isn't here yet.. great. Can't wait for him to make jokes about me. If I didn't hate physical contact I'd beat him until he had his big mouth shut. Well this is my destiny.

It didn't take a few minutes for me to hear my best friend voice that sounded like he's ready for the whole day. I'm jealous of him. He don't have to worry about having strange feelings when someone touches him. He's not locked in a painful and strangling prison. It's pretty dregrading to see how loose and open he is. The whole shcool loves him.

Once he dragged me, yes, he grabbed my hand, I almost cried. He said he wanted to introduce me to someone and I can't run away because if I do he well touch me more.

I was just looking in shock from the corner holding my hand that he touched with a disgusted face because of the fact that he touched me. Not like Kibum was dirty. So the called 'introduction' went like this; I just stared out of my head.

So many times I wished to be just like him. Relaxed. It would be nice if my body would allow me to make physical contact.

Everyone can dream, right?


	4. [CHAPTER 004]

Kibum eyes went wide as I looked up and he smiled immediately afterwards then he victory boxed in the air. I just frowned on his actions. Sometimes he can be very strange.. Strangely funny.

I can see in his eyes and gestures that he want's to hug me but he gave that idea up right away. Sorry Bummie maybe in the future.

"You look good Baek what happened? You ran into your mom's wardrobe? I see you made it into her makeup box as well. Adorable!" he chuckled.

"I told you already, you're not funny Kibum.' I picked up the English book as it will be our first lesson.

"Uh-uh.. I know what's going on" he leaned close to me. "You want to seduce Mr. Park, right?" he whiperes into my ear and stepped back. "Get it out of your head. That man is married."

"Yah! Don't say stupid things. He's our new teacher AND I'm not you.' I made a face. "And I didn't see a ring on his finger may be you imagined it."

"So you took a good look at him!" he pointed at me a accusingly. "Let's make a bet!"

"Hmm? In what?"

"That he's married silly."

"Absolutely not!" I sook my head violently.

"Ah, so you agree with me?"

"Nope, I didn't see a ring." I dropped my chin onto my palm. Kibum grinned and he streched out his arm towards me, I instantly backed away as my brain repeated 'Don't touch me, don't touch me.'

"Alrigh, I'm in just get your hands away from me."

"But it's not official this way" he pouted. "It's okay though. The loser will do anything for the winner" he winked.

"Yeah, yeah whatever." I blew out the air and the blonde sat down satisfied. Manupaliting slut.

The bell ranged so we both stared at the door. There's so much silence int the class room right now - something I don't really understand, they might want to awe Mr. Park - you can hear the annoying clinking sound from the hanging clock. The door opened with a small squeaking sound and he entered.

My gaze went sraight to his face.. as he smiled my heart started beating faster, especially when our eyes made a contact. If he hadn't started talking everyone would've heard me gasp.

Argh, what should I do? I'm embarrassing myself in front of the new teacher adding that he never heard me speaking because I played silent yesterday. I want to hide under the desk and stay there forever.

The bet! I glanced down at his hand.. wow.. It looks so strong. Ehhr! Stop day dreamin BaekHyun! So.. a ring, huh? I can't se-oh wait. There's a golden ring on his finger. It looks perfect, its glowing blindly as it screams 'I was expensive.' Ch.. what a flexing son of a bitch.

"See?" Kibum whispered. "He's married."

"Not like I care" I rolled my eyes. "What do I have to do?"

"I'll tell you after school but you're not going to be happy with it" he chuckled softly.

"Can you tell me what is so funny?" Mr. Park spoke louder and I froze. Shit. I didn't dare to look at him so I just stared at my fingers. Yea this is such a BaekHyun thing, when ever I fell akward my fingers suddenly become the most interesting thing.

Of course Kibum as confident as he was, immediately protected us and gave him a cute smile - euw - to wich Mr. Park shook his head playfully. Right. Who can be angry with an angel like Bummie? Impossible.

In a breath I thanked Kibum and listened to Mr. Park's voice. Looks like he's finally startin to teach us. I'm curious how he does it.. I mean the methods, nothing dirty. Especially me being so fucking dumb.

... Okay not so dumb but that old dude couldn't put a single English word in my head, his explanation was so boring, I always slept on his class.

Well if Mr. Park doesn't succeed.. I know one thing.. I'll be happy to listen to his deep and hoarse voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first language is not English ^-^


	5. [CHAPTER 005]

I was happily drinking my hot chocolate while I waited for Kibum. Every Friday after school we come here to eat some sweets and have some nice drinks. Altough I don't know why he's running late.

Our last lesson always separate because I have drawing class and he has singig class. I love his singing voice, he has such a uniqe voice but he always tells me that he doesn't want to become an idol.

I honestly don't really get it, he would make it so big .. But I would worry about him. I've heard terrible things about idol life. So many people said that they making them starve , constantly driving and shattering their souls and bodies, and destroying the last positivity of them. Bummie is a positive person but it's not impossible to tear him into pieces.

We are all full of mistakes, the fact that many people can't understand it scorches my blood.

Nowadays, everyone wants to be perfect, locking themselves in a box that they will never get rid of unless they finally understand that they have to be themselves and not follow any other people steps.

You have to find your own path, no matter how difficult it is, you have to go through it.

I'm trying to find a way that will lead to the opening .. As much as I feel good in my own little bubble, I want to know when someone touches me and I'm not disgusted by it .. and my situation is serious enough, I'm outraged at the thought of physical contact.

My best friend voice pulled me out of my thoughts, I looked up at him and smiled .. Um, his hair is interesting and his face is red as well. Probably because of the cold.

"Sorry about for being late" he took off his coat and placed it on the chair. "I just had to talk with Mr. Park," he put the menu up to his face, even though he knows exactly what's on it, and on the other hand he always orders the same, I don't think he suddenly wants anything else today...

I blinked in confusion, not responding directly to his sentence, and I didn't care why he needed to talk with the new teacher.

"Yah!" he dropped the menu on the table and I startled. "You don't care what I talked to him about?" I shake my head with a bored expression and drinked the last drop out of the mug. "Huh.. bitch" he pouted "Well I'll tell you anyway" he clasped his palms together.

Now you get it why I wasn't intrested? Whatever my answer is, he always tells me everything.

"I asked if him if he would give extra lessons and I know what you think, 'Kibum you don't need extra lessons, you already use English at native level' but- I didn't asked it for me."

"Well then?" I tilted my head to the side.

"Because of you.."

"You said what now?"

"Maybe I.." he bit the sentence.

"Finish it" I looked at him angrily.

"Um .. you'll have separate lessons with Park ChanYeol ... surprise" he smiled awkwardly.

I ... I'm going to choke this bitch ... I'm going to crush him and throw him in the fucking trash.

"Are you crazy? Why did you do it? Your mind is completely gone?" I whispered angrily.

"No, you need help!"

"No, so tell him that I don't need it!"

"Okay, okay," he raises his hand in defense. "Ah ... I don't want anything sweet today ... are you in a mood for a walk?"

"In this cold?" I grimaced. He knows exactly how much I hate this kind of weather.

"Pleaseeee~" he used his big kitty eyes ..Uhh .. why is he so fricking cute? Hell with this man.

"Okay, just stop this" I pointed at his whole being.

As we walked down the street, the silence came between us, but not that embarrassing one, but pleasant .. I felt him trying to get closer, but he was disturbing my personal room so I stepped away a little. He made a sad face. My heart clenched at the sight, I wish I knew what he's thinking right now.

We may be best friends, and yet we have our own little secrets.

"Bummie .. what do I have to do? You know ... the bet .."

The blonde stopped and turned to me with outstretched arms. "Give me a hug."


	6. [CHAPTER 006]

I looked at him with wide eyes, my breathing quickened, my heart started beating faster.

No, he can't ask me that.

Suddenly I began to feel dizzy, not seeing clearly, my legs started trembling.

Why are you doing this to me, Kibum? Why do you have to make me feel like I'm a fucked up human being? You're hurting me with this. Are you want me to cry? You want to see me sad?

I began to shake my head , backing away as much as possible, my eyes teared up and I turned around in an instant, I runned as far as I could without letting the blonde react.

The cold wind hit my face reddening my skin, my fingers were freezing, my legs were hurting a lot and although I know he didn't follow me I couldn't stop myself.

I ran home.

As I entered the house I heard my parents laugh, which made me even more frustrated. I pursed my lips together and went into my room ignoring them. As soon as I locked the door and removed the excess material from my body, I layed down to the bed and then put my face in the pillow and yelled into it.

I don't understand what is up with me, Mom always says that nothing bad happened in my childhood, I was like this overnight .. So there must have been something I don't remember anymore, but my body is ... Maybe if I can figure it out somehow the disgust will vanish.

I turned on my back letting the tears flow down my face.

Do I have any chance of finding that memory? What if I remember but it only going to make my situation worse?

Looking for that memory doesn't sound so good anymore.

I closed my eyes, letting my sorrow to completely devour me.

I didn't move out of the house this weekend and nothing went down my throat except water. My phone rang without stopping, it was so annoying, I almost throw it to the ground, then I remembered it has a silence option.

By the way, Kibum has been harassing me with messages all the day, asking for forgiveness thirty million times, scolding himself for being stupid and not wanting to lose me, and that he loves me and all that dumb bullshit. As I have said this before, you can't be angry at this angel, I am aware of how attached he is to me and I can constantly see how much he would like to touch me. He wants a normal friendship, but I can't give it to him. I'm a fucked up, that's the truth.

I was sitting on my bed watching something orbitally boring film on my laptop while lazily eating popcorn, throwing a few pieces at the screen, showing how degrading this whole show was. I lifted my head to a soft knock. I frowned and a 'come in' left my lips.

A small smile appeared on my lips when my brother entered. Ch, I can't believe he's able to come here after all these years. Actually, I can understand him, he already has a family, if I'm correct he works very hard just to give his wife and son everything. At least he got his life together.

"Hey there little brother" he sat down next to me, but when he saw how uncomfortable I was, he laughed. "I see you still can't bear it if somebody gets too close to you," he went further. "When do you stop this?"

"Never" I closed down my laptop. "How's life going?" I asked, trying not to sound too cold, our relationship not as good as it was when he find a girlfriend and in a second I didn't existed anymore for him.

"It's okay.., tiring. And for you, any girlfriend?" Ah ~ I forgot, except for Kibum, no one knows that I'm attracted to boys ... as if ... if I could have relationship with someone I would choose my gender.

"Do I look like I have time for girlfriends? I'm going to graduate next year." I throwed a popcorn at his face. He shaked his head with a smile, but after that he immediately becomes serious.

"I missed you little brother.."

I closed my eyes. "I missed you too.."


	7. [CHAPTER 007]

I had no time to react when I put my foot in the classroom and the blonde appeared in front of me. I was only able to blink, as he explained, almost hysterically, that he thought I was dead and had to call my parents, which is very embarrassing to me. And of course he scolded me not to dare to do anything like this again so I nodded.

Do I deserve Kibum at all? He sticks with me, comforts me, making me laugh and he's always there when I need it. I wouldn't swap him for anyone, he's too important to me, in fact ... I'd die if he's goint to get tired of me in the future if I don't change.

Thanks to the high sky, we have no English today so I can avoid staring at Mr. Park, I'm always embarrassed when I see him ... seriously. Last time I saw him walking down the hallway - well he wasn't walking towards me - and instead of doing my own thing, I escaped quickly. I ran off! Even though he didn't see me, too many students were drooling at him, and with my little body I became invisible.

I have no idea whats up with me, the panic completely catches up when the English teacher walks close to me, knowing that I am in the same building with him and sucking the same air making my beating muscle go crazy.

I was sitting in drawing class, which I always took more seriously, while somebody could barely draw a stick figure, I know how to draw a person. My drawing book is full of Kibum and no, not because I am in love with him, but because he has such a perfect face. I just love drawing him .. And what would it look like if it were full of random faces? Or ... that's the more normal case? Nobody knows.

The teacher loves me and let me do my own little thing, which always ends with drawing Bummie, but somehow the face shape ended it up different this time.

I would have already reached for the eraser, blaming myself for fucking it up, but I didn't ..I continued to work out the eyes, nose and mouth ..

How can I say, it started to look pretty weird, especially when I made his ears .. then the hair .. and ...

What the-!

Did I ... I seriously draw down Mr. Park? The fuck?

BaekHyun tear this drawing out right away, knead it and push it down on your throat, okay? You deserve to drown in paper.

But my hand still contradicts my mind and I have worked out the little details more and more, I'm surprised that it look so good, because whenever I see Mr. Park I can only look at him for a few seconds.

Before I even realized it Park ChanYeol was looking back at me from the paper.. Ugh .. how could I be flustered by that? Stupid teenage hormones..

Finally, when I felt strong enough to tear the paper out, in the end I just nervously closed the thick book and quickly slid it into my backpack, drawing the attention from the students and the teacher.

"Are you all right, BaekHyun?" she pushed her glasses up her nose.

"Yes," I nodded. The teacher just smiled and focused on her own thing, but then the bell ringed.

As I walked out of the drawing room, I was cursing at myself. What if one of the students saw it and going to tell everyone? Or once I leave my bag and someone going to look at it?!

I can't let that happen! I have to get rid of that devilish drawing.. But it looks so good I don't want to throw it out.. Then I start a new booklet and leave this one at home!

Perfect, I'm fucking smart, can I get an applause?

Now, my only question is, why did I draw Mr. Park when I have been drawing my best friend from all angles for years? He really affect me that much? I don't even know who he is. I've seen him maximum five times, so? What went down to that part of my brain that I don't use to draw him?

It will remain an eternal mystery.


	8. [CHAPTER 008]

Have you ever woken up like you wanted to stay in bed and not move all day? Yes? Good, because that's how I feel right now. Today I will have two English lessons in a row, I have no mood for Mr. Park, I mean, he's pretty good and everything just .. meh ~.

I sat up stiffly, ran my fingers trough my already ruffled hair. I put my foot down and when my foot touched the cold floor my tooth clenched. I walked up to my wardrobe and although I was looking at my comfortable trousers with my eyes, my hands - again - thought differently and I grabbed a black tight jeans and a cream-coloured t-shirt. Perfect.

As I went to the bath and saw myself, my mood went bad. I look like a rotten zombie that hasn't had any food for years. Well, if someone knows how make my face perfect I could use their help with this awfulness, even a coat of foundation wouldn't do the job.

I stared at myself for a few minutes thinking what I can do, and finally I came to the conclusion that a eyeliner wouldn't hurt, even though yesterday was a different day, I'm still standing here trying not to poke my eyes with the eyeliner pencil.

When I was done, I was trying to do something with my hair, gelling it or something, but as soon as I saw how neglected my eyebrows were, I was more terrified.

I have forgotten about them, because my bangs hide them all the time, it's better this way, nobody wants to see these monsters, and I don't want to pluck my eyebrows because I would end up like Jeffree Star and I don't want that. It suits him, but for me? I would look like a potato.

I'll go over to Kibum sometime, he showed me how to do it but I already forgot it. Honestly, I looked so good at the time that I would have fucked myself.

As I felt I have done my best, I nodded to myself, and walked down the stairs. I didn't fallen asleep today which is quite surprising, sometimes I can be like a cat and sleep twelve hours. I mean, who doesn't love to sleep? No one is disturbing you, there is silence and peace.

Yeah, unless you have nightmares and you woke up crying ... Why do all my thoughts ends so dark? I really need a doctor.

When I got down I heard my family laugh in the kitchen and it made me feel a little better so I walked there.

"Good morning" I sat down on the chair that was farthest from the others. Yes, even my own parents can't touch me. When Mom first noticed how closed I became, she was crying, blaming herself because she thought she failed as parent, and although I don't remember what happened to me, I'm sure my loved ones have nothing to do with it.

"Morning to you to, brother. What did you do to your eyes?" he asked, drawing my parents' attention. Mom immediately grinned.

"Ahw, Baekkie, did you find my makeup box? How cute," she laughed happily. Eh .. sometimes she can be terrible.

"How's this cute?" my father frowned. O-oh ... "I don't want to be the bad guy here, but you look like a faggot. After you had breakfast wash your face," he ordered, an I only nodded. What else can I do? I know exactly how my father is with the whole 'gay' thing.

"Leave him alone. Do you know how many famous idols use makeup and they not even gay?" my Mom said. "I think it's wonderful, Baekkie," she winked. Good heavens, save me.

I got my last bite of the breakfast, waved goodbye to my parents, walked to the door - because I won't be removing my makeup if I had been suffering with it for half an hour - and I grabbed my thick coat and left the house.

Honestly, if I ever can bear physical contact and have a boyfriend I have no idea how I will tell my dad without him tearing me up and throwing my body in the trash. I love him, because he raised me struggling with my problems at the same time, regardless of that, i'm afraid of what would be his steps ..

Maybe I should never tell him.


	9. [CHAPTER 009]

** I** often ask myself why the last class are always drawing and singing lessons? It's just a plain high school .. In fact, even the teachers ask you if you want to go to drawing or singing? I don't know why I'm thinking about this in the middle of the English lesson, sometimes I'm not normal.

I looked at the blackboard where Mr. Park wrote the sentences with great insight, I think he was talking too, I heard his voice but it was blurry, not because I'm deaf, I'm just not interested with this shit. Aish .. That's the reason why my English sucks.. But I promised myself that I would pay attention ... although my hands moved so I think I written down everything.

I looked down at my booklet ... and my jaw wanted to drop down on the floor. What the fuck.. okay? Calm down, don't move, no need for attention. From the corner of my eye I saw Kibum, he was focusing like an angel he is, so I covered the drawing with elegant, slow motion. I draw Mr. Park again. I'm so done, somebody shoot me please .. how did I even-? .. my hands live an independent life? Because there is no other explanation.

I'm such a mess.

".... does anyone know the answer?" I heard clearly the question of our teacher, everyone raised their hands except me. "BaekHyun?" he pointed at me. Oh my god.. Why me?

...He saw that Kibum wanted to help me because he glared at him. I don't even know what the question is, how do I answer it? I bit my lower lip, feeling akward because so many eyes were looking at me so I lowered my head and shrugged my shoulders. I'm praying that he won't talk to me anymore .. Please Mr. Park .. just leave it, Byun BaekHyun is stupid as fuck.

"Someone else?" At that moment a sigh of relief left my lips .. I love you Mr. Park ..

.....

Wait what? It wasn't me, someone else's thoughts crawled in my mind! .. Ugh.

**||x||**

"What was that?" Kibum frowned when the teacher left the classroom.

"I don't know, just .."

"You're not paying attention, exactly," he shook his head. "Baek you can't do that, English is a very important subject and Mr. Park is amazing, and he's not boring at all and you just shrug your shoulders to him? You feelin' okay sweet heart?" he scolded me. .. he'd never done that before.

"I'm trying, okay?" I took his words half-heartedly.

"It's a bad joke, show me your booklet, I wonder how much you wrote down, because if you trying so hard you written every single word that he said or wrote on the blackboard, am I right, Byun?

"My ... my booklet" I stammered. "I ... I can't."

"Huh?! Why? You draw penises or what?" he grimaced.

"Oh my god, I didn't you pervert bitch.. ahgr ... you are so disgusting" I lifted up my booklet and put it in my bag. "I didn't write anything down, I confess."

"I swear, BaekHyun, if you don't take it seriously from now-"

"You'll touch me, I know, I know," the thought shook my body. "I promise I will learn from now on and pay 100% attention to Mr. Park's class." I put my hand on my chest and he finally smiled.

"You can be smart, don't mess it up, okay?"

"Yeah"

"Um .. can you wait for me here after your drawing class?"

"Eh, why?" I blinked in stupidly.

"Because I want to show you something? Dah ~."

"And you can't show me outside of school?"

"Baeeek ~" he pulled the word away, using his irritating voice.

"Okay," I raised my arms. "I'll wait for you here after the drawing class."

"Good boy" he poked my face, then he quickly ran away.

"Run you coward!" I screamed after him ... Stupid, stupid blonde! Ah, I'm going to cry .. he really had to touch me? He knows, I can even have a panic attack.

Just be one time when I'm not disgusted I'm going to kill him.


	10. [CHAPTER 010]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also writing this story on wattpad. My account name is @DianaAnuiENG ^-^

I looked at the clock. Where is that stupid peasant? It was not enough for me to be sent to trauma by tapping my face, no I have to wait for him.

I was pretty much done with the waitin', he can show me later what he wanted, but in that moment when I decided to get up, like in a cliché movie, the door opened.

"Finally you're here, I thought you'd never make i- oh" I immediately stopped. Well ... it's not Kibum ... I blushed at Mr. Park's sight. Why? Why did he come in here?

"Well, you can talk" he smiled at me. Burn BaekHyun! Sublimate or something! The earth would have to open up and so you can disappear ... or a lightning could hit me ... yeah through the walls, that would be fucking realistic.

"Kibum said you would be here." WHAT?! I heard it wrong, right? "Last week he explained that your English is not really good, and you need help with it, so he asked if I could give you separate lessons and I was happy to agree, though you look surprised and uninformed."

"He actually mentioned it," I muttered. Yeah and I asked him to cancel it. Stupid blonde ... now I'm sure I'm gonna get a gun and hunt him down. But I really need help .. what's wrong with Mr. Park giving me separate lessons? And for free? It could only be luck, I should live with it and not sneer like a little girl. "Thank you, Mr. Park."

"No need, I'm happy to help you," he put the stuff down on the table. Should I apologize to him for not answering his question at his class?

Who knows how many times he spoken to me, but I haven't even heard him.

"Then can you tell me how much you understand and what is difficult for you?" He looked at me, and I nodded.

And that's how my separate class started with Mr. Park. I thought it's going to be akward, or I'm going to be embarrassed and stuttering, but because of his understanding and kindness I was completely relaxed, I spoke more than he did, he even told me dumb jokes, I wanted to laugh out loud, but thanks to heaven I was able to hold it back.

While he explained the English, I saw a bit of unhappiness in his eyes. Although his lips smiled, his irises suffered and for some reason I felt I had to hug him, which of course quickly turned into disgust. Anyway, who is dumb enough to feel like you have to hug your own teacher?

I even wanted to know what's hurting him, but I just ignored it, everyone has their own little problems, in this world someone cries if they don't get a new phone .. well I don't think Mr. Park's problem is that.., it's more serious stuff that I have nothing to do with, I'm just one of many students.

And even after forty-five minutes, he announced that this was it for today, he had picked up his stuffs and he left but I couldn't get his sad eyes out of my head.

I grabbed a pencil and opened my English notebook, then I started to draw Mr. Park down, his eyes were in sadness. Yes, that's exactly what it looked like ... only the colors are missing. The artist in me wants to work more on this drawing, but I feel like I have to eliminate it.

I took a deep breath and grabbed the edge of the paper and I teared it out, crumpled it. I hope Mr. Park's unhappiness is eliminated as well as this insignificant drawing.

I packed up the rest of my stuff, tossed the bag over my shoulder, and held the paper over the trash and I freed it through my fingers.

I was ready to leave, really .. I already pushed the handle down, but for some reason I walked back and got the drawing out of the empty trash can..

Yeah... I'm totally convinced that my hands have their own personalities.

Or I just don't want to admit it that Mr. Park is already important to me no matter what form is he in. Even if it's just a drawing of him.


	11. [CHAPTER 011]

Biting my lip, I tried to grasp the text that Mr. Park wrote on the blackboard a few minutes ago. He said easy words are missing ... he could give at least a little help with giving us the first letters of the missing words ... but this way it's just too cloudy. Did I mention I'm stupid? Great.

Yes, Kibum sits beside me, but since the desks are big, we are sitting on the edge, and my eyesight is bad anyway, which makes it even harder for me to look at his notebook. Traitor ... he could help at least a little, But I can't touch him and I can't whisper either.. Mr. Park has incredible hearing..

I looked around in the class once again, everyone is very focused, wich is not surprising, the text is very long, even those who are good at the subject suffers with it.

My eyes stop at Mr.Park. He was sitting at the teacher's desk and writing something imptortant on a paper, I think some school stuffs. There was still sadness in his eyes, I have to hold myself back to ask if he was okay. Usually I don't care what people go through, but Mr. Park is different.

I feel he has nice personality, he doesn't deserve to suffer...

What am I even thinking about, I still don't know him. I shaked my head vigorously and started drawing.

Maybe I could draw Kibum from this side .. as if I hadn't done it many times, but he has such a nice face, I should put it everywhere-! Or rather not, after a while I would be scared and confused about him being everywhere.

As I made the lines, I was faced with the fact that again Mr. Park's sad gaze was looking back at me from the paper. I wish I could have a closer look at his face, studying any minor blemishes on it, then I could make my drawings more perfect.

I remember - okay, that'll sound funny - when I wanted to take a good look at Bummie's face, we were in my room, he was sitting in the chair while is was sitting on my bed, and I examined his skin with a telescope. Whenever I think about it, I always smile.

"May I ask you what you're doing, BaekHyun?" Mr. Park's angry voice shook me back to reality.

"I'm just" I covered the drawing.

"'You're just?" he approached our desk .. oh .. no, don't come any closer! Has anyone informed him that nobody can come near me? Is he thinking that my best friend is pushed to the edge of the desk just for fun? "You're not paying attention to the task again."

As only one object was between us he looked down at me with his high stature, and I began to panic. Please step back to Mr. Park.

"Show me your notebook," he said in a commanding voice. I shook my head .. I meant it when I said I don't know the English teacher, and I didn't know how scary he can be. I feelt the notebook slide out of my hand. My eyes went wide.

No, no, don't look at it!

"Are you drawing in my class? Not surprising that your English is not really good," he tore out the paper and crumpled it. "You stay here after class" he shook his head in frustration. My eyes watered, Kibum reacted immediately, he knew I was going to run out of here, and he was aware that I was going to cry because he grabbed my wrist, which only made my situation worse and pulled me out of the room.

As soon as we got out, I pulled myself out of his grip and raised my hand to my chest.

"Calm down, BaekHyun," he whispered. "Baby Baek, if you don't calm down you're going to end up in the hospital again, remember how terrible it was?" I nodded, sniffing loudy.

"He scared me" I wiped my tears.

"I know" he sighed, feeling completely helpless about my situation.

"Why am I like this? Why can't I be normal?" After each of these outbursts, it's like tearing particles out of me, I'm going to be ruined if this continues. My legs wanted to give up so I leaned against the wall trying to calm myself while I kept an eye on Kibum's freckled face.

I'm cursed.


	12. [CHAPTER 012]

Looking at the mirror in the washroom, I realized how big of a loser I am. My makeup got ruined because I was crying and my skin became red all around my eyes.. Wonderful .. and I'm even soaked because somehow I had to calm myself down so I asked Kibum to splash water on me and now I look like a soaked dog. With a tissue, I wiped off the black streaks caused by my tears, and after a few breaths I felt like I was fine.

My best friend recently went back to the room to apologize on my behalf, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to get away from staying here after all of my classes are over... I deserve it though.

I was about to leave the washroom when the reality hit me. Mr. Park ... did he immediately throw out the paper? He didn't looked at it, why would he care? Or what if he didn't throw it out and actually looked at my drawing?

Then it would officially end my life. Maybe I could ask him to give it back ... yeah there's a problem. I'm a coward. Yeah I cant talk back to the Literature teacher but that bastard is an idiot. Mr. Park is scary.

Somehow I need to get that damn paper back! Maybe I could ask Kibum .. eh, as curious as he is he would check the drawing right away.

Maybe I'm only over-reacting it. In fact, that paper is already in the bin.

That's what I was saying to myself, I was convinced that nothing was wrong, so I went back - of course, waiting for the bell to ring. Mr. Park left the classroom first, and for a moment he stared at him with a head-shake.

Eh, he hates me now. It's over Byun, he's not going to give you any extra lessons, why would he spend his time for a student like you? He probably has a family anyway.

Oh, I almost forgot ... he's married .. I was drawing a married man? Somebody hit me in the head.

"Are you feeling better now?" Kibum came up to me.

"Uh-huh" I tilted my head to the side and he smiled.

"I think the principal didn't infrom Mr. Park about your problems," he stated.

"Really? That .. your name could be SherBum" I rolled my eyes.

"You're so mean" he pouted. "Anyway," he stepped closer to me, which immediately made me grimace. "YAH! Stop making faces! Aish you're terrible. You promised that you're going to pay attention, what happened?"

"Honestly Bummie, if you were as stupid as me you would have been confused. The whole text was a mess to me, especially without the missing words."

"You have a mouth to ask Byun BaekHyun! And he is a teacher he can help you, but if you just sit and look out of your head you're going to fail. You're eighteen, stand on your feet, carry yourself to Mr. Park, apologize, tell him your problem, he will surely understand, he's not a jerk. In fact, everybody loves him because he has an incredible amount of kindness.

"Sometimes I hate you so much, Kibum" I puffed my face.

"I love you too. But because you have to stay here after all the classes are over, and I'm a terrible friend, I won't wait for you," he blow a kiss in the air. "I have to go."

"HA!? Where are you going?" I blinked in lost.

"I have other friends, baby, I can't ignore them," he winked.

"Bitch," I whispered to myself.

"I heard it," he laughed out loud. My lips curled upwards. But as soon as I saw the blonde jump onto a pink-haired boy with a huge grin, my smile disappeared. They started laughing at something while others joined in. I wish ... I could be there, I wish I could be as liberated as they are.

While one side of me yelling that it's better for me this way, at least no one can hurt me, my other side wants to go. Somehow, I have to break down the prison walls.

I'll find the solution, get what it costs.


	13. [CHAPTER 013]

I swinged my feet boringly, yes, I may be small, but my feet can reach down, but because I'm sitting on the desk I can swing them without getting them caught.

It's been ten minutes since I sat here. If I'm well informed, the detention takes forty minutes .. though shouldn't a teacher be here with me?

Not like I care at all, I'm not gonna stand up from here, I'm too lazy, even though knowing myself I would goof it off. But because Mr. Park gave me the punishment I'm not going against his words. Okay.. that sounded weird..

Let's pretend that I never thought about it.

"Hah, so you're here." I suddenly raised my head to the sudden voice. What the hell? Is he a ninja? I didn't even heard him come in. He scared the shit out of me. Mr. Park leaned against the wall, reached into his pocket with one hand, and when he got it out he had a crumbled paper between his fingers.

No ... don't say that he..

"My question is to you BaekHyun, why did you draw me?" He throw up the paper that fell straight back into his palm.

Slowly I licked my dry lips, opened it to start talking .. but not even a word left my throat .. they stuck there, didn't want to show up, my own words were afraid of Mr. Park's reaction.

I shrugged, though I know this is not a good answer for him, he wants an explanation but I can't give him that.

"BaekHyun." Don't say my name with that tone. "I won't be angry, just tell me." From his serious face, my eyes slid down the to the golden ring._ 'He's a married man, Baek.'_ Kibum's voice rang in my mind. Yeah I know! I know that he is, and I'm happy that he found the love of his life, a girl who can put the most beautiful smile on his face .. I just ... I don't know what's going with me, I have no idea why my heart beating so fast like I'm running a marathon and why am I shivering like someone poured cold water on me..

And I don't know why I'm crying. I wanted to avoid him from seeing it, so I immediately bowed my head down.

"I'm really sorry that I didn't pay attention to your class, Mr. Park. It won't happen again," I said softly but understandably.

"That's not what I asked." I can almost see him frowning in confusion. "Why did you draw me?" his shoes began to knock on the floor.. Oh no, Is he approaching me or is he running out of patience?

"I'm sorry" I muttered.

"BaekHyun .." I suddenly felt two warm palms on my shoulder. The air got stuck in my lungs as I looked up. What is this? Wait why-... and here's the disgust.

"I'm so sorry" I sobbed, grabbed my bag, ignoring his call I rushed out of the classroom.

I can't believe ... he touched me. He had his hands on my shoulders. He has huge hands, I felt defenseless for a moment .. No, that's impossible, right? Why would he be the answer to my salvation? I don't even know who he is.

I have no idea who Park ChanYeol really is ... even .. for that second something happened before my disgust..I was afraid and at the same time I felt safe ... regardless of that there must be a meaningful explanation.

What I feel is not love, okay I've never been in love, I hardly believe I'll ever be .. and why would I be? As I said, I don't even know him.

Then why did I draw him? Why do I have every second thought about him, why am I nervous when I am around him? Would he be ... the road I've been looking for God knows how long? And if so, why Mr. Park ... He has a goddamn family! On top of that he's my teacher..

Still, how could he help me to break down my walls when he's married? We couldn't even be friends. 

These questions bombarded my brain, my feet suddenly gave up, I felt my body slamming on the ground and before everything darkened I had one thought.

** _Park ChanYeol._ **


	14. [CHAPTER 014]

Why can't I open my eyes? Jesus, what if it's open, but I'm blind?! I can't see ever again? How I'm going to draw if I can't see? I'm going to die.. .. Aish, I just want to see.

I'm sure I'm in the hospital, and I probably got a seizure again ... and this is not the first time that I end up here... Yeah and I'll die one day because of this.

As I heard someone speaking in the distance, I opened my lashes with difficulty, for a moment everything was blurred, but after a while my eyesight cleared. I felt something strange on my feet, so I looked down. 

Kibum is sleeping on me. I immediately started moving my limbs, waking the sleeping angel, and as soon as he noticed that I was awake he backed away.

"Ah fuck, you scared me so much, Byun" he raised his hand dramatically to his chest. "You had a panic attack again, what happened?"

"Nothing," I shook my head, I don't want to remember Mr. Park's touch.

"Bullshit! Argh, I can't leave you for even a second!"

"I'm sorry for the trouble," I bowed my head.

He must be tired of me, because every time I have a bigger seizure and they bring me to this specific hospital, so they can call Kibum, not my parents. I don't want to be a burden for them, and so far my best friend has helped me, but after a while he's going to get bored.

What would I do without him?

I know he's doing this because once I ended up here because of him, and he felt so guilty, apologizing every day for six months, of course I wasn't a bit angry at him. I could never be mad at him, even if he just staying by my side because of guilt.

"You didn't cause a problem, I just got a small heart attack. Now tell me what's wrong."

"I don't remember" I lied. I .. for the first time in my life I really lied to my best friend who's next to me in every situtation? I must have really hit my head.

"I'm Kibum, not stupid," he snorted. "Something happened in detention, right? You were in a bad shape anyway, Mr. Park came in and scared you better?" he tilted his head to the side. How did he-? .. YAH! Is he reading in my mind? I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he's an alien with hidden super powers, and came to the Earth to get to know the people and then kill them all. "The silent is consent ... what did he say?"

"He asked me why I didn't payed attention."

"That's not enough to get you into this state." Damn it, why is he know me so much?

"He touched me.."

"WHAT?!" he stood up right away. "He touched you? Did he molested you or did he hurt you?!" he started to panic.

"No ... he just put his hand on my shoulder, I got scared and ran away."

"Ahh ~" he blew his breath out. "I was ready to kill for you," he clenched his fist and started boxing in the air. I had to laugh at his sweetness. "Don't laugh, I mean it," he put his hands to his hips as he pouted."

"You overdramatize everything, you're cute." If I wasn't disgusted by the touches I'd be sure to pinch his face.

"Aish .. because you are too big of a bitch baby to tell him what's wrong, I'll do it."

"Don't!" I countered. He frowned questioningly. "I'll do it. I swear." If he tells Mr. Park, he'll never get closer to me, and I don't want that. If ChanYeol really is the key to my problems, I won't just let this opportunity pass me by.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes" I nodded confidently.

"So be it. Now I have to find a doctor and tell them that you woke up." he started walking towards the door.

"Kibum..."

"Yes?" he looked at me.

"Thank you.."

"No need" he winked and with that he left.


	15. [CHAPTER 015]

Two weeks have passed since my seizure and I have to say, my heart hurts. In the last few days I have been crying a lot, a pool could be filled with my salty tears. And the reason for that is none other than Mr. Park, our new English teacher. When I got out of the hospital the next day I went to school. I wanted to apologize for my sudden outburst, but he ignored me.

He didn't care for me at all, he didn't even looked at me, and we would have had a separate lesson that day, so when he didn't show up I broked down. My chance is gone, while he was trying to help me, I pushed him away. I scold myself for that every day.

Everyone who wants to help me somehow I turn my back to them and that's why I'm standing in one place not knowing where to go.

Even though I knew he wouldn't come into our classroom after the classes are over, I was still waiting .. sometimes I waited for three hours until my butt felt sore and I went home in tears.

Kibum didn't think anything, he thinks I've told Mr. Park everything .. It's better this way... But it's still hurts that he avoids my gaze, he was no longer smiling at me, not asking if I knew the answer, and if I knew it, and raised my hand he never picked me.

I kinda understand. What is he think about me? That I'm a fucking stupid person who cries over every little thing, on top of that, I'm drawing teachers instead of studying? Where is the lie in this, after all? Though Mr. Park is the first teacher I ever drew, but that doesn't change the facts.

I want one last chance, is it too much to ask? I want to live normal life, I want to know what is love, a normal friendship ... when I'm not afraid to go out to the crowd. Going to the cinema would be so good, I could sit down beside someone without disgust. My chance is Park ChanYeol .. I have no idea how he would help, but I want to know, I don't care if he has a family.

I will try to stay in the class for the last time today and if nothing happens ... then I will bow my head to accept my terrible fate that I am not going to live a normal life.

Because I don't have much time on Friday, although Kibum thinks I'm going to a separate lesson after drawing class, which lasts forty-five minutes, that doesn't mean we won't go to our usual place. At least I'll cry out my soul to him.

I sat on the desk and swinged my feet while humming random music that stuck in my brain. I looked out the window and grimaced. The snow is falling again. Good heavens, I hate the snow and all the cold wet stuff. I have no idea how some people loves the winter.

For example, Bummie was walking around in a white T-shirt while it was snowing! When I saw him, the cold shook me and I ordered him to put on a jacket immediately, but he said he was hot..it was negative ten degrees, how the fuck did he felt hot? I predicted! He's an alien! One day I'll wake up with one arm left because he's gonna eat me.

I think too much about it. No problem, I'll warm myself up with a nice hot chocolate.

There is so much silence in the classroom, the clock on the wall is ticking, it's pushing my nerves as if it were just mocking me that 'yes time is passing fast and ChanYeol will never come.' Fuck, I know! I know he's not coming, he probably went home to his family a long time ago ... Aish, I'm totally crazy.

Just five more minutes .. and my face is wet again .. Stupid, stupid, stupid Baekhyun! You're such a loser. I tossed my bag on my shoulder, I left the room with a completely broken mood, lowering my head. I accelerated my walk, but because I wasn't looking I hit the wall with my body and I fell onto my ass. That goes for someone who isn't looking around. I started sniffing loudly in pain.

"Are you okay?" I jumped from the sudden question, and raised my head...

ChanYeol looked down at me with a worried expression, reaching his hand out to me.

I smiled.

Thanks for the chance.


	16. [CHAPTER 016]

As he stood above me and looking with worried eyes, he took my breath away completely. It didn't bother me as he almost pushed his hand into my face, but I was afraid to accept it, but it would be foolish to reject it, and I can't even persuade myself to slide my palm into his so I just stood up.

"I'm sorry, I didn't looked around me" I bowed politely.

"What are you doing here?" he ignored my apology. Ch .. jerk.

"I stayed to study" I muttered. "Mr. Park ..."

"Yes?"

"With the drawing ... it was completely coincidental, sometimes I draw random people a-and" eh what do I say now? "I apologize, it won't happen again" I bit my lower lip. "I hope I still have the opportunity to take separate lessons with you" . Please don't reject me. Help me, I need you.

For a while he just blinked in surprise but then finally smiled.

"I'm happy to help, BaekHyun, but then we have to work together, you're not stupid, you just needing a little push. Then I'll see you after your classes on Monday. Look after yourself," he reached out, I suddenly closed my eyes. I felt his fingers ruffle my hair then he left.. I was in shock.

I put my hands on my head and my lips curled up. No disgust .. I don't feel that weird wave on my spine, it's different now. Nor would I say that it is pleasant, rather strange. I'm sure ChanYeol is my savior and I won't throw away the opportunity.

I stepped out of school with a huge smile on my face. I'm very happy and nothing can ruin my mood.

My phone started ringing, I took the instrument out of my back pocket.

Fearfully, I picked it up.

"Byun BaekHyun!" Kibum's angry voice came from the phone. Oops. "Where are you? I've been waiting for twenty minutes!" he raged.

"I'm still at the school" I mumbled in embarrassment.

"Then get yourself together and bring your big ass over here, you know how awkward it is to sit here alone?"

"I'm sorry, I''ll hurry" I started to ran as I hang up. Ah, how could I forget Bummie? I'm totally not okay. The cold completely froze my feet, and when I reached the confectionery I gasped for air.

As I entered the warmness hugged my body, I immediately began looking for Kibum with my eyes. He was sitting in the corner, typically pouted, showing how angry he was. I approached him with my head bowed and sat down in front of him.

"What was the reason that you were late?" he frowned in confusion.

"I had a separate lesson with Mr. Park.." I shrugged. "But you know that too."

"Yeah .. but it should have been ended about thirty minutes ago," he sighed. "If you going to pay for my coffee and my strawberry cake because of this, I'll forgive you."

"Pf, okay" I rolled my eyes.

"Awsome!" he applauded cheerfully. "What was it like?"

"Good .. very good" I ran my fingers through my hair, remembering his touch.

"I'm glad you are finally independent, you're making me a proud mother."

"A mother?"

"Yes, sometimes I feel like I'm your umma and I need to protect you from every danger," he nodded confidently.

True, there is no lie in this statement, I often feel that I am with one of my parents, of course, this is not a bad thing, as he's really taking care of me. I can't be more grateful.

"Baek baby" he snapped his finger, drawing my attention.

"Hm?"

"Are you free tomorrow? I would like to go shopping and I don't want to go out with someone else."

"Uh, yeah, I'm free but.."

"The crowd, I know. Calm down, it's goint to be okay. I don't think there's going to be a crowd."

"Okay than.."


	17. [CHAPTER 017]

You're a liar Kibum, you're a fucking liar! I hate you so much, I'm going to kill you. This place is crowded! There are so many people here that my nausea is coming up. And this bastard just grining happily.

For a moment, I closed my eyes and shake my head. I can't escape anyway, this devil would beg me to stay and I would give up, and honestly I don't want to listen to his whining, and he always whines when he buys something. I feel like I'm going to have a good day.

I followed the blonde with poker face, I don't really care what he wanst to buy. The first shop we went to was a really fancy one, with only a few people lounging inside and two men in suits standing next to the products hell knows why. I saw the most basic bags, and some disgusting clothes. Why would anyone want to put on such a thing, it's so disgusting.

Unlike me, my best friend's eyes shined with excitement. Carefully, he took a backpack in his hand and rolled it around as if he was looking for the price. He bit his lips and looked at me for help.

"What?" I ask confused.

"Shoul I buy it? I have pants that have this colour at home."

"Bummie .. you want to buy a whole backpack because of pants? And that thing is disgusting."

"I like it though" he pouted then he raised another one. "And this?"

"It's so ugly, I'm gonna puke. Neon green and pink? Ugh.. Who would wear that?"

"Me?" he made a face. "I'm going to buy it," he flashed a thousand-watt smile.

Well then, like I said. If I tell him my opinion he doesn't care at all and buys it anyway, following his own head. As we come to the checkout, the woman takes the product with a lovely smile and scans it, my eyes automatically wandered to the screen.

Um.. Excuse me?

My eyes probably dazzling.. I'm going to be honest with you, I've never been shopping with Kibum, of course I went to the grocery store with him but that was it. So to me, seeing that he's goint to buy a 1,500 dollar bag it's really degrading.

I know how spoiled he is because of his parents, but I don't think he needs things like this, and it is expensive, eh ... rich people's stuff. Regardless, I don't condemn him if he wants it and it makes him happy then it's fine.

"That was it?" I asked. "Can we go now?"

"Hell no, I have to look for shoes!"

"Bum, you have as many shoes as the stars in the sky!" I grimaced. Aside from the joke, this kid always comes to the shcool with new pair shoes, I've never seen him in the same shoes.

"But I need something for this bag." Ohhh, here's the whining ... How much did I knew I'm not gonna get away with this.

"I don't really care.." I shrugged.

We stepped out of that amazingly expensive store I started to feel disgusted because of the crowd.. The air is so bad, the scents are mixed with smells, I have no idea how anyone can work in such a place and bearing it. I have to hold myself back because of Kibum. Listening to his unstoppable rant about nothing can be one of the most entertaining things for me.

We entered the shoe store when I saw a familiar figure. My heart suddenly skipped two beat.. At first I didn't wanted to believe it, but my eyes are not lying.. it's really Mr. Park.

He's in a completely different form though. His red hair is not gelled up, his bangs hanging over his forehead, and he's not wearing a suit.

I swear, he doesn't look like a teacher at all, but rather a young adult who hasn't yet found his place in the world so he takes every opportunity that he can ..

I would have smiled at his sight, but at that moment a beautiful woman appeard beside him and they kissed with full of love.


	18. [CHAPTER 018]

Do you hear that? Can you hear my heart breaking into pieces and dropping on the ground? Do you see my pity? How my chest hurts because of a person that I don't even know? Who has a wife? I'm officially crazy.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Kibum moving forward and not paying attention to me wich is good, he should only worry about shoe hunting while I'll die right here. I'm sure that I looke like a creep because how I was looking at the couple while they are lovingly kissing and laughing. He's happy.

Mr. Park is happy with his wife, so I'm happy too. Then what is this feeling that burns my flesh to the bone, the feeling that brings salty tears to my eyes?

I have nothing to do with them.

With a fake smile on my lips, I followed Kibum ignoring the cheerful couple. Mr. Park is just my teacher, what he does outside of school is not and never will be my business. I don't even care.

Shopping with my friend was cut short when he noticed how much my mood had changed - not as if it was good before - so he decided it was time to leave the mall. I thanked him mentally, I think the last breath of life died in me.. It's gonna come back someday.

As always, I got in the back of the car because I would never sit next to him, the seats are too close to each other.

If he hadn't turned on the radio that was playing some soothing music, it would have been in a death-like mood all the way.

Bummie didn't have his beautiful smile on his face either, it could be something of a tie between us, it happens so many times. When I feel bad he feels bad. Such a perfectly imperfect friendship, I wouldn't replace it with anything.

As soon as he stopped in front of the house, I bowed my head. I could cry right now. I don't want to be alone. My hands rested on my thighs, I stared sadly out of the window.

"Baek baby.."

"Yes?"

"Do you want to sleep over?" he asks in a soft soft voice, he knows what state I'm in. I nod slowly. "You have clothes that are still with me," he says, and he starts his car.

He got a house for his eighteenth birthday, which is pretty suprising.

If I were his father I would keep him close to me.. ... or I'm just jealous. I remember when he offered me to move in if I wanted to, he had an empty room - let me correct myself, a lot of empty rooms -, but my parents didn't let me... and.. who knows what this devil is doing alone in that big house.

One thing I don't know about Kibum .. He is completely excluded me from his love life and there is a reason for that, he behaved very strangely two years ago. When he thought I wasn't looking, his face became lifeless, his eyes got glassy. I have no idea who or what hurt him then, but he hasn't had a boyfriend since. He has his perverse jokes, but he not a bitch.

But who knows what he's doing .. Maybe I should pay more attention to him ...Now as I sat on his bed and stared at his freckled face ... there is still that certain loneliness in his eyes. He may be smiling .. but there is a part of him that he cannot heal by himself.

Looking at him, I forget my own grief. I climbed a little closer than usual, his eyes widened. Now, I don't feel disgust ... It's more like a safe feeling. I'm glad to have such a patient and good friend.

Don't worry Bummie, one day I'll be hugging you and telling you how important you are to me.


	19. [CHAPTER 019]

I drawn Mr. Park's lips with my tongue out. I never seen someone with such a kissable mouth. But those lips aren't mine to kiss. He kisses someone else with it... his wife. Good for her..

I can't stand the thought of him hugging her thin waist with his huge hands and pulling her closer to him .. how they laughed after the kiss. How long have they been married? Are they planning to have a kid? The problem is that I can't really guess how old he because he has a very youthful face. He may be forty years old.

Oops I drowned in my thoughts...

I laughed out loud when I saw that I to draw wrinkles on his forehead and still look good. Ah BaekHyun, you have to stop dreaming, what ever it is about. You can't draw your teacher who has a wife!

I closed my drawingbook and pushed myself back with the chair, leaned back and began to stare at the peach-colored ceiling.

I'm a damn boring person, I don't really know what to do with myself. It's so great that some people can easily fall asleep if they want to. So I just suffer because I can't get out Mr. Park of my head and now I'm not thinking about the kiss ... but when he ruffled my hair.

Tomorrow I have a separate lesson with him, maybe he touches me again, I want to because he is the key to my problems, It wasn't an accident that I was able to sit closer to Kibum yesterday. Though I shouldn't really show him that I am slowly but surely dissolving, then he would definitely would ask me what is the reason for my change.

My time is quite limited, I have no idea how long Mr. Park will stay in this school, and if he does, I have less than two years to complete the fracture. I hope I succeed, I would be tremendously disappointed if I screw up everything.

My job simple, I have to be diligent, showing how seriously I take the forty-five minutes that I have with him, hoping to get a little touch or a simple pat on the shoulder. I shouldn't day-dream in his classes I have to ask him if I don't understand something - which happens often -, and pay attention to what he explains.

A teacher and a student can have a well-maintained relationship, right? I just have to respect him, and that's kid's play. His life out-of-school is not my business, I don't expect him to open up to me, that would be weird.

If all of this goes well as I imagined then I'm going to graduate like a normal adult, I will have more options. Am I selfish? Maybe, but I don't want to remain untouched forever. I hope one day I'll find someone who will look at me like ChanYeol look at his wife.

I'm excited, I hope the future holds a lot of things for me, I have to keep it up. I've never been so confident. I will reach my goal, blow high, blow low.

With a smile, I opened my drawingbook again, teared out the drawing of Mr. Park, crumpled it, and throw it into the trash without hesitation or feeling any remorse. I nodded confidently, switched off the light and finally slipped into my bed.

But in the evening I had my strangest dream. ChanYeol touched me and kissed me, we were laughing together.

When I woke up in the morning I didn't feel disgust it was rather a good feeling. As if the dream was real.

I lifted my fingers to my lips.

I already know I'm going to be in a good mood all day.


	20. [CHAPTER 020]

With a smile on my face, I listened to Mr. Park's soothing voice, of course, writing down all of the important words. The reason for my happiness is my dream, and no I don't find it strange that I kissed my teacher in my dream. I didn't feel disgusted when I woke up, which to me it's a big step.

I can't wait for all my lessons to end, I want to be alone with Mr. Park, I want his attention, since in the class we have thirty students and everyone loves to get the teacher's attention.

Especially Kibum, he shows how much he likes the teacher and Mr. Park's likes him back .. Who can blame them, ChanYeol is a handsome man, and Kibum is incredibly good in English ... there are times when he doesn't have to write the test because Mr. Park knows, Kibum going to have an A anyway. Pf, good for him, I wish I could be good in English too .. well that's why Mr. Park helps me.

Everything around me was all about English, I was thinking about this language during my literature class, I was so focused on it that I was not drawing from boredom anymore.

I've done all of my homeworks and if he gave us any extra tasks I've done them too. I want him to see my hard-work. I want his praise.

Soon we will have to write a bigger test, and I can pray that it would be easy. But Mr. Park is harsh when it comes to tests, he's not holding his self back. Maybe I could ask help from Kibum, that wouldn't hurt. If I can get an A I would cry of happines. I'm going to work hard for it!

**||x||**

I followed Mr. Park's hand as he began to write on the blackboard. Eh.. I never noticed how his ring is so shin- and I'm day-dreaming again!

I can't do this righ now. I shook my head quickly, copied everything in the notebook and got a small heart attack when the teacher's hand smaked on the table while he leaned closer to me. I think he wanted to look how I'm going to do the task, but my eyes widened for a moment because our face was too close to each other, if somebody would bulge in, they would think we were just kissin'.. The fucking thing is that we don't even moved an inch.

Our eyes were completely intertwined, I was lost in his beautiful black irises, I felt his menthol breath on my lips, and my breath instantly accelerated. Oh .. here comes the disgust .. now it's bothering me that he is in my area so I pushed myself back with the chair and started playing with my fingers as usual.

He cleared his throat and pretended like nothing had happened, he stepped back and smiled at me wich I returned.

What just happened? I'm so confused, I can't even do the task properly because my brain had cleared all the knowledge out of it and filled it with Mr. Park.

It was the first time that is saw him this close. If someone would tell me to draw him down I would do it without hesitation.

Apparently he can't stay close to me either, my heart would let him, but my body would think otherwise.

I bit my lip, I started to solve the task silently, which did not go well, though I swear I understand what is written on the blackboard but for some reason it's still blurry to me. I can't ask Mr. Park for help, because then he will come close to me and I don't want that right now, it hurts to be disgusted because it's not his fault.

But it seemed like he read my thoughts, he said my name so I looked up to him. He was pointing at blackboard trying to lead me to the answers, but I had to solve the rest alone.

After each lesson, I handed him my notebook and he not only looks at the tasks he gives me in a separate lesson, but also scans everything in it.

A huge grin appears on his face, which instantly speeds up my beating muscle, he praises me for doing better in English.

It's very good for my soul.

Thank you, Mr. Park


	21. [CHAPTER 021]

Biting my lower lip, I tried not to ruin the breakfast. I'm tired and peevish. You know I had a choice to stay in my fluffy bed, but yesterday my Dad announced that he and my brother were going out for a getaway, so I decided to surprise my mom with something delicious .. yeah it would be a cute gesture if I didn't burned it down! Actually, this is the first time that I do anything for one of my parents, I think I feel really neglected now.

Ever since I can't stand physical contact, my parents, especially mom feels that her parenting failed, but if I want to be honest, even if they were involved with it, I can't blame them.

Dad always tried to be funny, fooling me, he took me everywhere, but once he went too far and that was the first time - I was about twelve years old - when I had seizure and I was hospitalized. I remember correctly, the palpation of the doctors made me more angry, I was no longer sobbing, I was yelling.. I think I hit one of the doctors.

They had to give me tranquillizer pills because nothing could have calmed me down, plus because of my nervousness my heart rate went up to heaven, I think I wans't far from a heart attack.

Since then, my father ignores me, he turned his attention to my brother, and never asked me if I wanted to go with them, so I became the forgotten boy.

Mom.. well .. she was just crying. To this day, I hear her crying on the patio, so I always want to hold her tight in my arms and reassure her, so far it has seemed impossible.

Well, my dear parents, if it all goes well with Mr. Park, you can pinch my cute puffy cheek in the near future and huge me until my air runs out. Sounds fantastic.

Satisfied with the food , I shut off the gas while I heard Mom come down the stairs. Accurate timing. With a magical smile on my lips, I greeted the woman I have always looked up to. She rubs her eyes, and I swear to God if she would hold a teddybear she would look like a cute child. She looks way to young.

I hope my skin inherited these genes, not as if I had a problem with wrinkles, I have seen a man who looked good with wrinkels, but I would like to keep my baby face for a long time, thank you very much.

"What is this suppose to mean, darling?" she pointed at the table. "You did something wrong and you want to apologize for it like this?" she grinned with the typical 'I know everything' face.

"No mom," I shook my head. "I just wanted to show how much I love you."

"I love you too, baby boo" she sent a kiss in the air and I grabbed it and held my hand to my chest. She laughed and finally sat down on the chair. "Thank you" she said with a smile.

I sat down too and started eating. When Dad was here, the two of them were always talking about some dumb shit without stopping, so I felt quite uncomfortable with the silence, and even when the cutlery touched the plate it made me mad.

"Mom.."

"Yes baby?"

"What's it like to be in love?"

"Oh" she blinked, and grinned again but it was a perverse grin. "You're in love?" she raised her eyebrows.

"God, no!" I denied it immediately because I'm really not in love..

"Taking the topic seriously .. I think everyone feels different when they fall in love. It can start in smaller steps like, you like their voice, their appearance, their inner persons. Then you think more and more about them. If you are around them you would try to be confident but inside you'll be nervous because you are so excited. In the end, your world will revolve around them, you always want to put them in the center .. but as I said, it all depends on the person. The heart loves to decide for itself and chooses whomever it thinks will be the safest and who does not break you into small pieces. Although everyone knows that love comes with pain. Son, if you ever fall in love with someone, get ready, your heart is not going to survive without a scar."


	22. [CHAPTER 022]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update D: I was really sick and I didn't had any time to write. But here I am with a new chapter.. I hope somebody still reads it ^^ lmao ♥

Mom's words made me curious, I was expecting her to say, what everyone else does. Butterflies flying in your stomach that I could never understand. Isn't that a bad feeling? If butterflies were hanging around in me, I'd be vomiting or running into the bathroom. So I find this description meaningless.

Honestly, it sounds like an alarm, like you're going to have an explosive diarrhea.  
Sometimes I can be so disgusting.. Please someone slap me.

Even though I think of Mr. Park a lot, that doesn't mean I'm in love with him, that would be ridiculous. I like him because he's very kind and helpful, but I'm not the only one who thinks this way, like .. If anyone looks at Park ChanYeol it's a risk that you may have an orgasm, seriously that man is dangerous, especially his smile.

But I'm NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM! Haha! That would be a hell of a joke!

Suddenly I remembered when he leaned so close to me... _**Jesus, forget it Bae**_k, it was an accident, even the fact that I had to back up from the situation. I think he got shocked and he didn't know what to do all of the sudden.

I swear his eyes were looking at my lips! I know, I have a beautiful mouth, but I never thought Mr. Park would check it out .. it was a coincidence, there's no other explanation.

Looking up from the test I noticed the English teacher gaze stopped at me, he made sure that nobody in the class is payin attention on ther test, and then he grinned and winked at me. 

_ **What the fuck?** _

_ **I almost chocked on my own saliva.** _

Is he gone mad? He really needed to wink at me? Thanks to him my face is red again. Seriously, why did he do it? He wanted to embarrass me because I congratulate you Mr. Park, you did it. He always makes me confused and that is driving me crazy which is really unhealthy for me... I'm so stupid..

I would love to threw this test against his head, but I'm not going do it because it's fricking scary when he's angry and I'm not taking risks.

While shooting a confused face towards Mr. Park, I drew all my attention to the test. I must have an A, because if it's not going to be an A I'm gonna fuck myself ... then ChanYeol.

I smile at my own stupidity, forgetting what just happened and I finished the test.. Now I just need to give it to the teacher .. but it seems everyone else is working on it still, even Kibum. But how-? Did I miss something?

I turn the paper left and right in my hands, but nothing, I've done all the tasks completely. Whatever.

I stood up trying not to get close to anyone, which seemed almost an impossible mission. When I was about to put down the paper on the teachers desk Mr. Park looked at me with a "Are you sure you want to give it in?" face, and I slightly nodded at that. To spice it up a little I don't know where my courage came but I licked my lips seductively while I looked into his eyes. Well, that's what you get for winking at me.

I didn't wait for his reaction, I immediately turned around a walked back to my seat. When is sat down I saw his shocked face. He did not move, he looked like he forgot how to breathe. I shocked him that badly?

Well, he deserved it.. he wanted to distract me and he almost succeeded.

As the bell ring Mr. Park packed his stuff, he was ready to leave but the headmistress stepped in the class with a big smile on her face.

We bowed immediately

She said the whole school would go on a vacation to the mountains after the Holidays are over, but our form-master don't want to come with us which is reasonable so she asked us which teacher we want to accompany us. Everybody said a specific name at the same time, and of course it was the English teacher's name. The headmistress turned to Mr. Park with a questioning look.

He blinked a little, wondering if he wanted to come with us and deepened his irises into mine. Please say yes... if you were with us and taking care of us.. taking care of me. That would be very good.

Slowly he smiled and nodded, and the class yelled out with happines. Good luck with this crazy class, ChanYeol. 

It may be another month before the 'vacation', but I'm looking forward to it.


	23. [CHAPTER 023]

I watched in silence as ChanYeol corrected the tests. He gave me a few tasks like five minutes ago, but I solved them quickly, and since then he didn't even looked at me.

I have no idea who's test he's looking at right now, but he often put a 'what the fuck is this' expression on his face and then added a 'this is totally nonsense' too.

It's good to see how he changes his expressions, I tried to save every mimic that he done so far... It's so cute when he frowns.

I could watch him all day long, make a twenty-four hour video while he's talking, so if I couldn't stare at him I could at least hear him. Okay, this just sounds so fucking ceepy.. let's pretend it never appeared in my head.

He corrects the last test, which is mine, but he doesn't make any faces. Eh? Is that bad that he can't even respond? Well, I did my best and give all my knowledge to this test and if it wasn't enough then I don't know what should I do.

"BaekHyun," he said.

“Yes?” I tilted my head to the side.

He smiled. "Although I shouldn't tell you this, but congratulations, you got an A."

"Really?!" I stood up so quickly that my chair has fallen back with a loud noise.

"Yes, yours was the second best with two mistakes."

My jaw dropped to the ground and the most disgusting grin appeared on my lips. I ran to Mr. Park, hugged him then I threw my bag over my shoulder and ran out of the class leaving the confused teacher behind while is shouted that he is the best man alive.

I was walking with a smile on my lips, even the cleaning lady smiled at my funny behavior, but before I left the building the grin froze on my face and it turned pale.

I. TOTALLY. LOST. MY. FUCKING. MIND.

God damn it,it's over and I'm not dramatizing it, not this time! I hugged an English teacher who came to school less than a month ago.

He must be thinking like, 'this kid has some problems!' , I know I have a huge problem!

Why is ChanYeol the key to my freedom? It would have been so much easier if it was Kibum or any other students. No, my brain decided to choose a teacher who had a wife.

Couldn't be more fantastic. Well, I can officially forget my separate classes with Mr. Park. Where is a spade? I want to make a hole in the ground and jump in it and let the worms cover me.

I'll have a good little hot chocolate at home, watch a sloppy movie while I stuff my stomach with ice cream and sleep. Sounds like a perfect plan.

Suddenly I started to feel raindrops on my skin. I looked up in surprise at the sky that was still blue a few minutes ago, now it's covered by ugly, angry clouds.

As more and more drops fell on my face, I accelerated my steps, but as I heard the thunder, I crouched in fear.

I admit, I'm coward. I've never had a problem with the rain, but once I almost got hit by lightning and I'm terrified of thunders..

Nowadays the weather is completely unpredictable, one day the snow falls and two days later it rains, but it is hot at the same time.

I tried to stand up, but my legs trembled .. Aish, I'm like a little baby right now.

Get yourself together BaekHyun!

"BaekHyun?"

This voice sounds familiar.. It's-?

"Mr. Park?" I blinked at him with big eyes. He was sitting in his car, pulled the window down and poked his head out like he didn't care if his perfect red hair gets wet.

"Is everything alright?" he asked with concern. Hm? Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm just crouching for fun.

Yeah, I'm still shivering. I immediately stood up but from the previous pose my limbs were numb, I would have fallen back to my ass, but due to Mr. Park's incredible good reflexes, he stepped out of his car and grabbed my hand in an instant so I didn't fall back but I ended in his arms.

I blushed deeply as I felt his abs under my palms

I feel safe between his arms. I looked up at him and I almost choked as he began to lean closer to me.


	24. [CHAPTER 024]

This is so wrong, we can't do this, he has a wife.. But a kiss wouldn't hurt anyone, right? Nobody would know..

I didn't move I just closed my eyes, and waited for something to happen, but..

Nothing.

I opened my eyes and tilted my head to the side.

"I'm sorry," he turned his back on me.

"It's okay I'm pretty clumsy" I scratched my nape and laughed, but then the sky decided to scare me to death with another thunder. My teeth clenched and made a painful sound, and Mr. Park turned back as he looked at me. 

"Are you afraid of the thunder?" No, I'm shaking because I fucking love it! Man, this was the dumbest question that I ever heard of him.

"A little.." I muttered. No, not a little, I'm terrified of the thunder!

"How far is your house?" Oooh~. Oh? He seriously asked this? He wants to take me home? Ah, he's such a sweetie. Do I look like I'm stupid? It's starting to get really embarrassing, especially because I don't answer. What would a normal person do now?

"About a half hour walk" I mumbled.  
Why is he still here? His actions are incomprehensible to me. Just fucking get back in your car and leave me alone! 

"Maybe," he chewed on those kissable lips. Ugh, I swear I'm like a little girl with hormone problems. Don't get me wrong, he's so cute it's just ... "I can take you if you want."

He wants to take me... I mean, to my house. What do I do now? Can I just get in his car like he's not my teacher. Or I can just walk home and get a cold because of this weather. What if he's planning on kidnaping me or something like that?

Okay, that's ridiculous, he wouldn't do that..  
An this is going to be just one time, it's not like he's going to take me home everyday.

"I would be grateful" I smiled sweetly. For a moment, he seemed relieved. He walked over to the other side of the car and I followed him. He opens the front door, shows me to get in, but ignoring his courtesy, I hump in the the back. Well Park ChanYeol, I'm not a woman and you don't need to open doors for me. I have hands, thanks.

Beside, why would I sit on the passenger's seat. There is no way.. i don't want to be next to him.

He got in the car, and I gave him my adress.

The radio made our journey more depressing with it's romantic music. I looked out the window, because of the rain my hair was soaking wet and it dripped on my face so I had to keep wiping it.

I'm sitting in a car with the English teacher... which sane person would dothis? If you didn't believe how stupid I was before then now is the time to rethink your opinion.

"I'm very proud of you, BaekHyun," he said.

"Eh?"

"Because of the test. I thought it would be worse, I was pleasantly disappointed."

"That's 'cause you helped me a lot. I'm very grateful."

"My pleasure," as he said this the vehicle stopped. "We are here." His voice sounded sad.

"Oh" I pouted. It's so annoying when the time is ticking quicker when I'm enjoying myself but when I hate something it goes on for millions of years. "Then thank you very much."

"Hey," he turned back, stopping me from leaving. "Don't sit in the back next time, I'm not a taxi driver," he smiled.

The air got stuck in my lungs and as I felt my face heat up I got out of the car and ran to my house but turned back for some reason. 

He was still there, looking at me... Is he making sure if I really live here or just want to see me cross the threshold safely.. Suddenly I felt something but I can't explain what.

But I'm very, very happy. There's a huge smile on my face and instead of bowing I wawe at him and he did the same. With that I stepped in the house with a good mood.

This was the best day of my life


	25. [CHAPTER 025]

To my own surprise, for the first time in my life, I went shopping on weekends alone, and no I'm not talking about grocery shopping. 

I bought clothes, especially leather pants .. I just totally fell in love with the way they show the shape of my legs, they look like I train a lot on them, but me and running are two different worlds so I'm happy to be born with such good genes.

I've been secretly getting some makeup stuff, since I'm better in English - thanks to Mr. Park - I've started staring at videos and instead of looking at gameplays, I usually watch Jeffree Star alien's head and just gape at his beautiful techniques.

Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm going to do some crazy and heavy make-up on my eyes, I'm going to stay with a black eyeliner, maybe if I feel daring I'll use some deep red to buff out the edges.. But because I'm a lazy son of a bitch I would look like I just got hit in the eye.

By the way.. I've been thingking a lot about one thing.. And I don't know if I should be happy or not.

I've been chewing on this for quite some time, ever since Mr. Park took me home. The words that I didn't grasp first. 

"Next time"

What does that even mean? If somebody offers to take me home, I'm not supposed to hop in the back because it's rude to the driver or because-? Aish, I don't understand, I'm confused with his sentences and my brain is hurting, I just think too much which is not the healthiest thing. 

Anyway, worrying about this is superfluous, I don't understand why I want to know the meaning behind all his mysterious words, I should shrug it off.

He's just my English teacher and that's it. We have a healthy teacher-student relationship, I don't want to have more but I need him to touch me, I really feel that I'm healing. Yes, it's a slow progress but he is the only one who can touch me. For example I can't stand it when Kibum is too close to me and it's hurting me a lot.

I'd love to be able to hug Kibum without disgust. As an annoying person I would pinch his face, slap his ass all the time - because if you've seen a good ass, just look at his - I would kiss his face. I could show how much I love him and how important he is to me.

As I entered the school the silence slapped me in the face. I frowned, looked at the time as I pulled out my phone. Eh? How do I get here so early? Maybe I didn't notice that it's this early..

It's a curse of my lameness, but since I'm here so early, I could take a look at something. I mean, if somebody saw me, I could get in trouble, but I heard a lot of students doing these things and they never got caught. Even Kibum did it. 

I took my direction to the teacher's office, for some reason I started tiptoeing, and then I slapped myself in the forehead for thinking for a moment that I was some secret spy trying to steal important data. Like what the fuck is wrong with me.

Actually, I have no idea where they keep the thing that I need.

Licking my lips, I looked into every little room hoping I wouldn't bump into anyone. I'd start giving up at the fourth door when I saw a sign that said "papers" in huge black letters.

I had to hold back my laughter, it couldn't be more conspicuous, it's no surprise that every student who's strolled in here found what they wanted.  
I tried to open the drawer as quiet as possible, and I started digging into it with interest.

Several documents slipped under my hand until I found what I was looking for. I have ChanYeol's biography! At least now I'll know for sure how old he is, and maybe I'll be more relaxed about him...


	26. [CHAPTER 026]

I knew it! I knew ChanYeol couldn't be more than twenty-five. I could go to a show like this where I have to guess people's ages and then win millions! Or not. Because Now I've reassured my soul of how old Mr. Park is, I can die in peace.

Putting the paper back, I'd leave the place, but I can't. I look back at the drawer and reopen it.. I know about where I put his biography back, I'm curious about his wife's name..

I pulled out the document with my slim fingers and.. Eh, it's not ChanYeol's. I'd put it back, but I saw a name that I never heard before.

Kim NamJoon.

Who's that? I never heard of a teacher with that name working here. I ran my gaze through the paper. Huh? He's going to start in two weeks? Did they fire that perv old gym teacher? Thanks to the heaven. Um, he's young, just like Mr. Park. Is he handsome? Why is there no picture of him on his biography? Aish, it sound like I have some teacher fetish.. I have not! ChanYeol is the only one.

Suddenly, a familiar scent hits my nose, the typical masculine yet sweet-smelling cologne. I never mentioned it, but Mr. Park's scent sometimes drives me crazy. I feel a breath on my neck that made shiver. With a smile on my lips, I turned to say hello, but I gasp in suprise.

Well this is.. he is not ChanYeol. Immediately I back up as the disgust overwhelms my body. Why the hell does everyone have to be this tall? Or maybe I'm the only one who's so small.

"What are you doing with that paper?" he frowned. I hid the biography right behind my back. "I can still see it, you know that, right?" he pointed at the paper..

Come on Baek, come up with something fast. "Ah- the headmistress asked me to bring this for her," I blinked, trying to look like an innocent butterfly. The tall man raised an eyebrow as he scanned me.

"I'm going to get her, wait here," he said, and nodded. As soon as he stepped out the door, I tucked the biography into the drawer and sprinted out of the teachers' office.

I'll never go in there again! Of course I got caught! The fate is sometimes ridiculous. I hope that guy is not the new gym teacher, because then I'm going to do a backflip, because I just lied to him.

Not to mention I searched through personal papers, so it really sounds like I was hunting for important information. But I was just wondering about Mr. Park's age .. well, it doesn't matter now.

I walked into the classroom and luckily some of my classmates were already there. I said hello to them and they returned it. I sat down, dropped my bag and put my big ass on the chair, then started thinking about something.

If ChanYeol is 25 years old, how long he has been married? Usually, when people tie the knot with someone at such a young age, it won't take long for the love to go away with the desire. At least that's what I read somewhere .. I have no idea how love works because I never felt it.

Am I curious about it? Of course, I wonder what it's like when somebody hugs me, or whispers sweet nothings in my ear. What it's like to cuddle with someone. I want ChanYeol to kiss me- wait, what?

Stupid brain, stop thinking about stuff that can't happen.

I'm terrible..

Let's make it clear, I'm not in love with Mr. Park and I never will be, so it would be nice if I didn't fantasize about a taken man. It's just a teacher-student relationship, nothing deeper than that, and he's got his own little life, and so do I. Although mine is chaos, nobody cares two shits about it.

Let's say if I graduate from school... maybe I can be his friend after all... Hmm, what a little naïve consciousness. Why would Mr. Park even want to keep any contact with me after graduation?

There is one thing that he has to do, teach and prepare us for the hardship, no more nor less. Once we finish school, we will no longer be important. Sad, but that's the truth.

They say hope dies last, and with my hope, I won't hurt anyone. The important thing is to enjoy this less than two years with Mr. Park, and if he is not interested in me after school, I will happily remember the time that I get to spend with him.


	27. [CHAPTER 027]

I've always had a big dream. That one of my art gets into a gallery and thousands of people can admire it. Drawing is everything to me, I put all my feelings into them, feelings that I can't express with words. I'm sure there are people out there who thinks the same.

It doesn't matter if you draw badly as long as you enjoy it - that's what I told myself. And as time went on, I didn't really realize how much I loved art. I remember when I was scribbling a tree and the reality slapped me in the face.

I want to be an artist.

I never told my dad a thing about this, I was afraid he'd think I'm too lazy for not wanting a more masculine job so I asked mom to help me, and she hired a drawing teacher who could handle my problem and taught me from a distance. I owe him a lot, because if he hadn't helped - yes, because a lot of people rejected me - I'd still be drawing the trees outside.

I mean, I like to draw down my environment, but putting a face on paper is a bit different.

I'll go out to the nearby park when the weather is better.

I have to start my career somewhere, I'd die if I couldn't do drawing, and my dad would probably send me to do some office job.

Maybe my art teacher can help. If I just sign up for a simple contest, and if I win it then I'm going to go towards more serious things, so I can get more attention.

I looked down at the drawing on my desk. This is the first picture that I drew of ChanYeol, since then I have corrected it, his eyes were sad, but his lips were smiling, which brought out his sweet little dimple.

I touched it with a lazy smile and then realized it that I have to go to the school so I picked up the notebook and put it in the bottom drawer.

I wonder what Mr. Park would say if I miss his class. Would he be like, 'It's okay'? Nope, I don't think so. I should be in a hurry, I hate being the last to come to class because when I step into the room I have the feeling that everyone is staring at me and expecting an explanation for my late arrival.

I take a last look at myself in the mirror. If I wasn't wearing eyeliner, I'd look totally normal. At school, hair coloring has become a big fashion, even Kibum has bleached his locks, which I'm fine with, as if he was born with blonde hair, but to be honest I prefer his hazel-brown hair.

Speaking of which, ChanYeol colors his hair too. What's his original hair looks like? Black? Oh, that must look great on him. Oh my God, I have to draw him with black hair.. 

Should I dye my boring hair as well? Nothing conspicuous.. just lighter? I wouldn't go for the blonde, I'd be really ugly with it. Eh~. I'm going to let it go, I would mess up my hair, because I can't go to a hairdresser.

I picked up my bag, left the house, my stomach made a noise, but I ignored it, I'm going to buy something in the cafeteria. Or I'll steal Kibum's food, he always carries so much money with him, and I'm broke as fuck.

_ **Literally.** _

My parents make pretty good money, mom gives me pocket money every month, but since me and my sweet best friend go to that damn pastry shop every Friday which is not cheap at all, almost every money that I have I spend it on a fucking hot chocolate and a cheesecake.

Or maybe my mom just simply not giving me enough money but why would I get more, I never complained about it and I never will, it would be irrelevant, they're working for it, not me.

As soon as I arrived to the school, something wasn't right. I wouldn't lie if I said that half of the students were towering in the parking lot. I think they're surrounding something. What the hell? Someone bought an expensive car and now everyone is sucking up to that person?

I guess it's Kibum, because his parents are completely spoiling my poor slut, thank goodness it's not what shaped his personality, he is far from a snob. He's a real angel and an energy bomb, it's no surprise that everyone wants to be his friend.

Well, it's none of my business. Shrugging, I walked into the building. I'm going to ask Kibum at the end of the day if he really bought a new car.


	28. [CHAPTER 028]

I was sitting alone in the class. 

Not awkward at all. 

Especially since the bell just rang. All the students that I saw outside, are they still out there? Therefore, they will get in trouble. That damn car can fly and swim at the same time, or what?

The door opened with a loud squeak and Mr. Park stepped in, I think he was waiting for the 'good morning, Teacher' because he didn't take his gaze off the floor, but when he didn't get it, he looked up. He blinked twice.

"Where are the others?" he asked while he put his stuff on the teacher's desk.

"In the parking lot. I guess," I said.

"Okay, but why?" Ouu~, he doesn't like the concept, it seems that when it comes to English, he becomes a ruthless man.

"I have no idea, Mr.Park," I rested my head in my palm, blinking bored. He was grunting something under his nose, and I think he was murmuring that he just wants to sit down and wait for those idiots, but he can't do that.

I didn't realize how frustrated he was, his red hair was not slicked back. A stupid hairstyle really can change the person that much? Because god damn, Mr. Park isn't radiating a sexy ass man, he looks like a pure and sweet lost puppy.

How can I say this? He looks fuckable..

A loud sigh left his lips that made me feel bad. His eyes are so sad again. I want him to tell me about his pain. I'd hold him tight, telling him I'm here for him.

Yep, sounds like one of my naiv dream!

I wish that he would just show me a sign to do something.. But why would he do that?

I'm just his student, no more, nor less. I wish I was more.

He almost drags himself out the door, and that's when I decide to jump up and run after him before he goes further, I'll stop him.

"Le-let me get them." Jesus, looking at him up close.. He looks really pale. Gosh, why do I feel like I could cry at any moment?

He smiled faintly, patted me on the shoulder, and returned to the class with slow steps. It's weird because I'm not disgusted, in fact.. this feeling is so different, but what can it be? It makes me tremble, and my whole being wants more.

I'm angry, I'd like to punch all the students, I don't give a shit what's so interesting out there, they should respect school time!

As soon as I got out, I saw three teachers scolding all those bastards. They weren't in a circle anymore, but I can't see a new car anywhere.

The students began marching inwards with their heads down. I hope they all get detention, they deserve it. Before they could see me, I turned around and went back to the class where Mr. Park was lying on the table.

I started to panic. What do I do now?

I stepped next to him and started poking his arm. Come on, Mr.Park, it's time to wake up. The others will be here soon.

"Mr. Park" I kept poking him, but he just groaned. Ahw, he must be really tired. "ChanYeol.." I leaned close to him, placing my palm on his face.

"San... SanDara?" he started blinking slowly.

"Uh.. no.." I pulled my hand away. 

SanDara? Is that his wife's name is? I don't know why but it hurts me. I no longer need to call her the 'wife' because I know her name now.

Slowly I started to step back, I sat down on my seat and at that moment my class arrived..

Great.


	29. [CHAPTER 029]

We sat quietly while Mr. Park apologized to the headmistress, which I don't understand. What does he have to do with what the students did? _**Exactly, nothing.**_ All of those stupid ass students needs to apologize not him. Sometimes this school really messes me up, they think about themselves too much.

And the other thing is, can't they see how tired Mr. Park is? Why the hell isn't she sending him home? We would have an our off and he'll rest at home..

Go home, ChanYeol.. I don't want anything to happen to you.

The headmistress is still explaining something, but I can't hear a word she says, my eyes are heavily focused on the English teacher, his eyelids are almost closed, that's obvious. I hope he has an hour off so he can at least rest a little bit. I'd still send him home, but I can't do that, I'm not his father.

I was so focused on ChanYeol that I almost didn't noticed the girl standing in front of the black-board. She was playing with her long blonde hair. Would I be a jerk if I said I was prettier than her?  
Like, no joke.. I don't even want to mention Kibum because my best friend is the most beautiful person in the world.

Okay, I'm not going to be a jerk, she looks average and cute. Regardless, I would never want her, I prefer muscles and cock, thank you very much.

She looked me straight in the eye, turned red and looked away. Hm? Why did she blush? Aish! Maybe she wants to laugh at me but she's holding it back. Pf, _who cares.._

Again, I gave all my attention to the English teacher who sends the girl to an empty place. I forgot, three weeks ago, the headmistress announced that a new girl's going to come to our class. Cool, she'll fit in, it's not that hard.

_ **Unless you're a homosexual, you'll be fine.** _

I don't reall understand, for example, my best friend's whole body radiates that he's gay, but since he doesn't shows it they don't even notice it. If they found out that I'm gay, they'd beat me up. There was a boy, I think he's name was LuHan, the poor thing turned out to be attracted to the guys, they beat him up so badly he was hospitalized, and he moved out of town shortly after.

I've been in the hospital enough times without these problems, I don't need another reason to go to the hospital.

Besides, they don't have a chance to find out about my gay ass, because apart from Mr. Park, if anyone wants to get close to me, I'd be disgusted. Well, I'm working on that..

The lesson was quite boring, Mr. Park wrote down some tasks on the board, which I solved in five minutes. When the whole class did the tasks they started whispering to each other, everyone was talking, the teacher was busy doing his own thing.

The girl was sitting infront of me, the boys around her were trying to get her to talk, but it was obvious that she didn't want to talk at all with them.

I looked at Kibum, who was on his phone, he pouted like a five-year-old, his fingers were tapping the device's screen with violence.

"Hey Bummie," I whispered. "Did you buy a new car?"

"Ha? No, why?" he frowned.

"Well.. because of the crowd that was in the parking lot in the morning. It happened because of you, right?"

"I had nothing to do with it. That bitch over there though," he pointed at the new girl angrily. "Her father owns a music company, and it's no surprise that he made his own daughter debut."

"But... your parents work in the music industry as well" I mumbled to myself. "So they were out there because she's a celebrity?"

"Yes. But I was just wondering if she was going to be our classmate. The fact that she is... I want to stab myself in the balls."

"What's her name?" Kibum immediately throw a 'you didn't listen when she introduced herself?' look and rolled his eyes.

_ **"Kim TaeYeon"** _


	30. [CHAPTER 030]

Kim TaeYeon, ha? I don't know her at all. I'm sure I've heard music from her before - but I'm genuinely more into English songs, I may didn't understand them before, but now I'm pretty good at it, I can understand them better, and gosh, some songs are very.. dirty.. And I sang those, without even knowing it._ Embarrassing._

But if so many people have been standing in the parking lot, who knows how long, then a lot of people must love her. I understand them, if Jason Derulo was in front of me, I'd be screaming in my head how much I love him.

I feel sorry for TaeYeon already, I'm sure they'll be hanging around her all the time, the poor girl won't have any break, although it's incomprehensible why she's not a private student. If I were famous at such a young age, I'd be avoiding school, and I'd barely go out of the house. I'd rather stay between my four walls.

The bell rings, Mr. Park stands up without words and leaves the class room in sluggish strides, massaging his temple with his fingers. Aish, I'd go after him to make sure he doesn't get hurt, but it would be weird if I followed him like a puppy, so I can only hope that he's okay.

Beside me Kibum sighed in frustration while muttering something like 'I hope she doesn't come here'. Who would come here?

"Kibummie? Is that you?" somebody puts their hand on our desk, I don't want to be conspicuous, but I back away immediately.

My best friend's face had that 'somebody kill me' look. Funny, because I always look like that.

"Hey, Tae" he forced a smile, I know him too well, I know when his smile is fake.

"Oh, I'm so glad I got into the same class with you," she said, claping happily, then she lowered her voice.

"Yeah.. fantastic" he got up from the chair.

"Ah, where are you going?" she bats her eyelashes.

"To my friends." Ouch, I'm your friend as well you freckled-faced hoe.

"You're not even going to introduce me to your deskmate?" Pf, absolutely not, I fucking hate introductions. You can go to your _friends, _Kibum I'll kill you after school.

"TaeYeon this idiot is BaekHyun," he pointed at me.

"YAH!" I frowned angrily.

"BaekHyun this is TaeYeon, and I need to go. Bye!" he waved, and disappeared as quickly as he had never been here. What in the hell is wrong with that blonde? Well he's going to tell me if he wants to.

One good thing to learn. If Kim Kibum is angry, it's better to stay away from him. He can be a cute little kitty but he can be wild too.

"Can I sit next to you?" the girl asked.

Hell no.. Why would you want to sit here? Why aren't my classmates doing anything? They're sitting on their asses like she's not even here! They jumped around her so much this morning, what happened? Eh, the headmistress must have told them to leave her alone. Cool, that's my luck.

I can't be rude to a girl, no matter how much I want her to go away, I'm going to swallow my disgust for once, but if she wants to touch me, I'll break her hand. Okay, that would be a little rough, but I'm going to be really upset.

"Sure, feel free," I said while I was scooting back. I really hate it when strangers enter my personal space.

"I was really scared when so many people surrounded me this morning," she put her hand on her chest. _No one asked you but okay_.. "Thank God the teachers helped. The headmistress is very nice, too, asking the students to not disturb me." Her voice is so annoying, does she changing it on purpose? "I'm glad they're respecting me, I was afraid that they not going to," she smiled. "Tell me oppa, can you show me around?" she blinked with innocence. Oppa? Did she just called me Oppa? Holly shit..

"I-..." Come on, brain, think, make up a good excuse, because there's not a chance that I'm going to show her this place. I was ready to say something, but somebody called out for me.

"Byun" ChanYeol entered the class room. "Come with me, please." Park Fucking ChanYeol. I fricking love you! You just saved me!

I glanced at the girl who nodded, I stood up, and followed the English teacher. I wonder what he wants from me.

We walked into his own little office, which I didn't even know he had. He leaned against the wall with his arms folded.

Now I'm really afraid of what he's going to say.


	31. [CHAPTER 031]

The teacher closed his eyes for a few minutes and took a deep breath. He must be very tired. 

_ **Go home Mr. Park.** _

I want to say those few words so badly, but I can't. He's old enough to make his own decisions.

"It's okay if we don't have a separate lesson today?" What? **That's it?!** _**Are you serious? **_And I was literally sweating from nervousness.

And why would it be not okay? At least he'll get home sooner.

"Yeah, it's totally fine," I nodded, smiled, which he returned, and then continued to stare at my face. _Okay, this is getting awkward.__  
_ If you want to say something, do it and don't look at me like that. "I should go," I pointed at the door. He responded with a nod, not taking his eyes off me, and I swear, as I turned my back on him, his gaze was on me the whole time.

Now what I don't know if I should be happy or-? I mean he can look at me all he wants, it's not like I can stop him.

As I was going back to class, someone caught my eyes. _**Choi SeungHyun.**_

I think every school has that one student - or more - who is constantly play the wag, learns nothing, and smokes. Now for this school it's none other then SeungHyun, but he doesn't just do these things, he likes to fight, often unreasonably, even the fricking teachers are scared of him.

I remember when I was a freshman, and saw him for the first time, I asked Kibum who is he. His answer was that he is the King of Ice.

You can imagine what face I was making. 

At first I thought thay gave him this name because of his icy blue hair, but it turned out that he whole man is an icicle. He's really the biggest jerk I know. Of course, ever since he was a senior, his hair has been black, just like his soul.

So somebody please tell my why the hell is he looking at Kibum? Bummie's his new victim? I would say that if he wants to hurt my best friend he has to fight with me first, but honestly I'm afraid of him. Once he looked into my eyes, and I almost pissed myself.

Well my dear freckle-faced friend, good luck for the rest.

As I entered the classroom, I was startled by TaeYeon's catchy voice. She was singing. I mean, she's got a nice voice, it's clean and everything, it's just not for me. I would never listen to her music.

I tried to reach my desk as unobtrusively as possible, but of course fate hates me and she had to notice me.

"Oppa" she bounced in front of me. What are you, some kind of flea? Why do you have to jump?   
She's trying to be cute, but why? "Are you in the singing class too?" she blinked at me with her hopeful black eyes.

"Nope" I stepped back. She was way too close. "I'm in the drawing class," I replied briefly. I don't want to talk to her, if Mr. Park is listless, so is Byun BaekHyun! That's funny, am I that attached to him already? It can't be, can it?

ChanYeol is just my teacher.. even though I've been feeling weird these days. Anyway, whatever this is, Mr. Park has a wife, they must love each other very much, I have nothing to do with them.

"Ah..." she pouted. "I'm sure your singing voice is good." You mean, it's perfect. I have to admit, I've often thought about becoming a singer but I drop that idea because I have stage-fright, and I like art better anyway.

"And you don't want to try singing?"

"I don't think-" I couldn't finish my sentence because she started to talk again.

"Or should I try drawing?" she raised her fingers to her lips, as if she were thinking too hard. Thank god the bell rang so I bypassed the girl and sat down. I know it was a little rude that I ignored her but I really have no strength to listen to her.

As soon as the lesson began, I could constantly feel TaeYeon's gaze on me which bothered me a lot so I stubbornly didn't look up from my notebook.

I have no idea what this new girl wants from me, but I can't give her anything. We can't be friends because my disgust commands me, not as if I want to be friends with her, I hate it when a girl pretends to be cute.

I look out the window, the sky is covered with dark clouds. Great, it's going to rain again. 

_It couldn't get any better._


	32. [CHAPTER 032]

Fate really hates me. Maybe I should watch the weather report in the mornings, so I wouldn't be in this situation. It's okay, today, since Mr. Park canceled our separate class, I can get home sooner, which means I can take the bus. 

The whole day was kinda boring, Kibum was in a bad mood, he barely spoke to me, something really bothered him, and as much as my throat was scratching to ask him, I didn't dare.

I was afraid he'd come at me, and even though we've never had a serious fight before, I've never seen him so irritated in my life. I'm going to let him calm down, and when he's ready he's going to tell me everything, because he always do..

It hurt me a little bit when he packed his stuff without saying hello and stormed out of the class room. Okay, maybe it's not a small problem. You'd think rich people don't have problems, but you just have to look at them more.

Of course, they're trying to hide themselves, like Kibum did two years ago. Maybe I'm not as good a friend as I thought I was. Maybe one day he's going to disappear from my life, and I don't want that.

I'm going to break down and no one's going to be there to help me. I'd be left alone for good. The thought itself scares the hell out of me, and I can only hope that it will never happen.

I know I can't rely on him forever, he's going to live his life, and so am I. I don't even know what he really wants to be. Bummie has so many options. All the little nonsense we've been telling each other for fun, like 'we're going to live together' or 'we just need each other', all those sentences are because of our naivety.

None of it is true, he's going to find someone who's going to love him, and me? I wish I knew what is going to happen to me.

I quickly packed up my stuff, threw my bag on my shoulder, and headed for the exit.

"BaekHyun Oppa!" Oh for the love of god. Why won't this girl just leave me alone?

"Hm?" I turned to her. She's too close to me again.

"Do you have an umbrella?"

"No," I shook my head. Even if I had an umbrella, I wouldn't give it to her.

"Ah, my car is parking outside, I can take you home if you want to," she laughed cheerfully.

"I still have my separate lesson." **_Nice save Baek._**

"Ehh~ really?" she tilted her head to the side. "Which subject?"

"English." I answered quickly. Come on _girl_, leave me alone I'm going to miss my bus.

"Oppa, I can help you with it too"

"Thank you, but I have enough help" I forced a smile on my face.

"Oh.. okay" her voice rang sadly. "I'll see you tomorrow then." Oh, I'm afraid so. "Goodbye oppa," she waved and walked off.

I waited for her to leave the school, I guess she parked where she was surrounded this morning. When I thought she already left I approached the exit but I was wrong.

I could see her through the glass, she was talking to some people, which means I can't leave because she would notice me immediately. Damn, and there is no other exit that I could use.

Looks like I'm walking home... And I'm definitely going to catch a cold, it's raining more than last time, and it's colder outside.

"What are we looking at?" I heard a voice next to my ear which scared the living shit out of me.

"Mr. Park" I put my hand on my chest. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry," he nodded. "You didn't bring your umbrella again?"

"Eheh," I scratched my nape awkwardly. I'm sure he thinks I'm an idiot.

He shakes his head with a smile. "I'll take you home if y-"

"I want to!" I cut his words with mine. Oops.. "I mean.. It would be.. khm nice.." I bit my lip.

"Wait here, I've got one more meeting, by that time all of the students going to leave. Give me about ten minutes." I just nodded stupidly.

_ **Mr. Park will take me home again. This day isn't as shitty as it started.** _


	33. [CHAPTER 033]

I swear on my life... I was going to get in the back of his car, but Mr. Park insisted I sit in the front. 

Just like the last time, the silent music on the radio was mixed with the loud raindrops that hit the vehicle's surface. I don't care if I'm too conspicuous but I just have to look at him. Now he looks a little better, which means he had an hour off and probably rested a bit or he drank some coffee.

"Is there something on my face?" He asked, grinning playfully.

"You look tired," I said with a serious tone.

"If you hadn't told me, I wouldn't have found out," he laughs. Ch, he thinks he's so funny. "By the way, thank you for what you did this morning. I barely had any strength," he said.

"I didn't do anything, and by the time I got out there, several teachers were outside already."

"But the intention was there."

"Mr. Park," I begin very softly.

"Yes?"

"Are you all right?" **OH. MY. GOD. **_I asked him_! How do you take back spoken words? Ahhh~ _**I'm dead.**_

"Yeah, everything is fine."

"You seem sad." Somebody shoot me please..

"I'm fine, Baek." He just called me Baek? He technically nicknamed me, usually I would hate it, but if ChanYeol does it, I don't have a problem with it.

I don't think he's okay. I mean.. That's how it's always worked, right? If they ask you how are you, you're going to answer; everything is fine while in the inside you're tearing yourself apart. I don't want Mr. Park to tear himself up... Because it hurts me too.

** _Don't lock yourself away from me._ **

"We're here." Already? It was too fast, I want to stay with him. I lower my head deeply, trying to hold back my tears.

_Why am I so attached to you? Why are you the one who doesn't disgust me so easily? The more days go by, the more you chain me to you, and you don't even know it._

I'd like to get to know you.

What are you like when you're not teaching but partying? What's your favorite food? Do you like to play? Do you go out with your friends and drink? Are you as good as you seem or putting masks in front of your face, acting that you are a good person but you just throw other people's feelings around?

I want answers, maybe one day I'll get them, or more. 

Can we be friends after I graduate from school? What do I have to do to tie you to me like you did to me?

"Baek" Don't ask me to get out.. Take me with you... No matter where we go, I'll follow you.. "BaekHyun..." Why do you say my name so softly?

Tears begin to fall from my eyes, so I lower my head even more, my shoulders begin to shake as my heart is pounding painfully in my chest.

"Baek," he put his hand on my thigh, and I heard him unbuckle himself then he leans closer to me. "Look at me." I shake my head.. I'm so pathetic. I'm crying for nothing. _I'm an idiot_. So fucking stupid. "Please," he whispers. Slowly, I lift my gaze and watch as he lifts his free hand up, touches my face while wiping my tears away.

I put my palms on his chest, pushing him away, putting my other hand in front of my lips as I start sobbing more.I grab my bag and get out of his car, and I don't stop until I reach the front of the house.

I opened the door and slammed it behind me. From the outside, I heard a long horn and then he drived away..

I ran up to my room, dropped my bag, locked my door, and jumped on the bed with wet clothes.I didn't care that my shoes were still on. I pressed my face into the pillow and just cried even more. I'm so fricking confused.

Mr. Park confuses me. Why did he touch my face and thighs? Why did he leaned so close that our lips almost touched each other. Why if he has a wife?!

What's with the caustic pain I'm feeling? It's like someone's stabbing my heart with thousand needles. What I'm doing is not right, I need to break this strange 'relationship' with Mr. Park. I don't need his separate lessons anymore I can't let us get any closer.

He's my teacher, for God's sake. There'll be someone else to help me overcome my problems.

** _That day I cried myself to sleep wishing I wouldn't get up again._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on IG ^^   
My account name is; takagaroanui


	34. [CHAPTER 034]

We looked deep into each other's eyes, hoping from the inside that he wouldn't recognize me, because the old Baek was back, no makeup, no tight jeans, just oversized T-shirts and sweatpants, and who knows how old sneakers. Although he might figured who I am.

I'm really curious to know where the headmistress found another guy like that. I'm guessing this is Kim NamJoon, the new P.E teacher. It's fantastic, I can see he's going to pick on me. Great, can I have more problems?

It's been two weeks since Chan- Mr. Park took me home, and he didn't come to school for a week, supposedly he got severe pneumonia, so I was really worried about him, I still haven't seen him today.

The whole school is happy that there's not just one sexy teacher anymore but two. They're more into the P.E teacher, though, because he doesn't have a ring on his finger. _Idiot horny students._

The other thing is TaeYeon. She's like a leech, and I already told her that I have haphephobia, and she's still following me everywhere. It doesn't bother me at all, no, I'm so _fucking_ happy about it.

Finally, how can I forget my best friend Kim Kibum, who shits on my head on such a level that it's almost unbelievable. I'm definitely not going to let him run today, because on both Fridays he canceled our pastry shop 'date', which he had never done before.

I'm starting to get really pissed off about his behavior, and if he keeps going like this, I'm going to hit him so hard.

I noticed that he was getting closer to SeungHyun, he was wrapping Bum around his fingers. No matter how much I'm afraid of this guy, but he just have to make a bad move and I will beat him. 

Mr. Kim pulled me out of my thoughts. I forgot, we're still looking at each other. Like a staring competition, who's going to blink first. Well, I'm about to cry because of the lack of blinking so I looked away. It seemed like we were staring for hours, it was actually less than a half minute.

Since this was our first P.E with the new teacher, he spared us from changing clothes and have any physical activity, he expected us to introduce ourselves to him. I hope he was enlightened about my problem, if he wasn't I'm going to throw the tantrum. And no one wants that.

It was a big luck when the ring bell so I rushed out of the P.E room. To be honest if Mr. Kim knows that I was the student who was in the teacher's office, then I just want to avoid him.

Now the only question is, when am I going to catch my best friend? After drawing or now? Maybe I should jump in front of his car, so he can't escape. Although he can be a devil so maybe he would run me over. Anyway, I'm going to wait until all of our classes are over, and then I'm going to hunt him down.

**||x||**

I've been waiting for this all day, for the arts class. I decided to ask the teacher if she could enter me into a competition, I need something to focus on and take my mind off everything else.

We're patiently waiting for the teacher to enter, though I'm already scribbling random hearts.

Everyone starts to say hello when the door finally opens, but..

It wasn't the drawing teacher who entered at all, it was _Mr. Park._

What even the- _what the hell is he doing here?_

Instead of a suit, he wore a thick sweatshirt, and a soft-looking scarf was wrapped around his neck, his nose was a little bit red, perhaps from blowing it so much.

"From now on, I'm going to be your new art teacher, because Mrs. Lee got pregnant and quit this job." EEEH??! Come on! I swear this can only happen to me, goddamn, now my favorite teacher is not working here anymore.

But why does he have to replace her? Does he even know anything about the art? 

_Ch, Like I care!_

What bothers me the most is that I'm the only one sitting in the middle, even though I'm in the back row he can see me perfectly, but I can't stand up just to sit somewhere else, that would be so weird.

As our gaze meets, I growl in frustration and lower my head.

** _I fucking hate my life._ **

* * *

_**If you want to you can check my fanarts on my IG;**_ <https://www.instagram.com/takagaroanui/> ^^


	35. [CHAPTER 035]

_ ** How did this happen?** _

That question played in my mind over and over and the answer?_ I don't know!_ I have no idea how I got into this situation, but I'm not happy about it. 

I stared at Mr. Park in front of me with arms folded, legs crossed, and a bored face. Because this oversized ladder needs to talk to me. Hah, about what? I'm going to get brain cancer from this man. And the thing is that he doesn't speak, he just stares at me.

Fine, if you don't open your mouth, I will. "Mr. Park, thank you so much for giving me your precious free time to teach me, but I don't need it anymore," I forced a smile on my face.

He frowned and looked at me stupidly, but he still didn't speak. He stepped towards the table, leaned closer, the scarf covered his face from the side, his other arm stretched out towards me, his fingers slid under my chin and raised my head up.

I had to swallow.. His skin is so hot, maybe he has a fever? I guess he's still sick. 

Eh, why is he getting _closer_? His nose rubbed mine, a pleasant scent filled my nose, and then I closed my eyes.

I'm not going to stop him, he can do what he wants. It won't be my crime. I've pushed him away once, I don't have the strength to do it one more time.

His lips gently touched mine. We stay like this for a few seconds, none of us dare to move, and when I feel like I've had enough, I push myself back with the chair, I was ready to run away, but I didn't stand a chance.

He grabs my wrist and hugs me tightly. The disgust is already waving from the corner, but in this moment I don't care, I simply just lean my head on his chest.

"I have no idea what's gotten into me," he whispers. Well, neither do I Mr. Park, _**neither do I.**_

"We shouldn't do this," I said just as quietly.

"I know." If you know why you're holding me closer and closer? If you know, why don't you let me go? You're drowning us both in this forbidden relationship.

"Let me go," I asked almost silently.

"Just a little more," he puts his chin on my shoulder.

In his embrace, it's like we've known each other for a thousand year. The problem is, that's not true. Mr. Park is a stranger to me.

'I wish we could stay like this forever,' he mutters.

A little smile appears on my lips. "I've changed my mind, I still need your separate classes," I declare, trying to hide my blood-red face. He smiles too.

What's going on between us now? Secret relationship? Because if it is, ours is doubly bad. It's not enough that I'm his student, he's got a wife that he's cheating on.

And I'm... I'm happy to go along with it, because ChanYeol is the only one who can help me, and if I have to play dirty, I'm going to. If he cheats on his wife so easily, I might be able to get him to leave her, but this should be the fruit of the future.

"Aish, I have to go or I'll miss the last bus," I looked at the clock on the wall.

"You know, I can take you home."

"Oh, I didn't think we were going to make this a _thing_," I grinned.

"Only the headmistress and the cleaners are here, no one will see us," he stroked my cheeks._** Okay, it's too much now.**_ He saw my grimace and immediately dropped his hand next to his body. "Kibum told me.."

"Told you what?" I blinked confused.

"That you don't like being touched."

Ha? He told him? When? He really thought that he had the right to tell my problems to anybody?

"Why didn't you tell me?" he folded his arms. Is he mad at me? I didn't do anything wrong!

"Because..." I was afraid you wouldn't approach me. "I'm stubborn," I shrugged. He shook his head, disappointed with my answer.

This whole situation is so awkward. How am I supposed act infront of him? Can I, can I call him by his name, or that's a big no?

"At least now I understand why no one touches you," he nodded. "What I don't understand why you put up with my touch..."

** _That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out, ChanYeol..._ **


	36. [CHAPTER 036]

I was happy until I walked into school. For some reason, everyone looked at me strangely, like I had an extra head or something.

My clothes are normal, I didn't put makeup on so I have no idea what are they looking at.. and to be honest I don't really care.

With Mr. Park we didn't really discuss what is between us, so I fell pretty confused. He took that step that I've been waiting for. Am I supposed to do something?

I'm afraid I'd be too much for him. It was so good when he hugged me, and I finally know what it's like when I'm not disgusted, and I don't want to screw it up.

Since everyone in my class had already arrived (except Kibum) - which is quite surprising, there are still forty minutes before the lesson starts - I expected TaeYeon to jump right in my face, but she was talking to a few boys, and when she noticed me, I only got a anxious look.

**Yah, yah, yah,** what's going on? And where's Kibum? I _need _to talk to him. I'd rather beat him up, because I'm mad at him.

I waited for him in the doorway. I can still hear my name in the whispers, and now it's getting really irritating, mainly because they saying it louder.

As soon as I see Kibum enter, I stand in his way. "You're coming with me," I say sternly. He blinks in surprise, then nods. It may have been thirty minutes since I arrived and the class is going to start in a few, but I don't give a shit about that, I don't care about Grammar class.

We walked out behind the school. I leaned against the wall and waited for him to start talking.

"Baek, I'm sorry I've been neglecting you these past few weeks, I wasn't in a good mood. But I'm here now," he smiled, but immediately froze when I didn't react. "What? Are you really that angry? Ahh~ what should I do? I don't have time to fool around."

"Why in the hell did you tell my problem to Mr. Park?" I licked my dry lips.

"T-that's," he glanced down at the ground. "He's so weird when he looks at you, I didn't want him to touch you, I know you didn't tell him because.. well.. I know you and... I'm just worried.."

"You still didn't had the right to do it," I looked at him angrily. "I didn't tell him because I wanted to avoid the weird glances from him, everyone looks at me like I'm a freak!"

"That's not true," he shakes his head.

"Then you are fucking blind" I frown.

"I was just trying to help," he mutters softly.

"No one asked you to."

"But..."

"No buts, Kibum. You decided something for me that was none of your business. And then for two weeks, you didn't give a shit about me just because you weren't in a good mood?!. Aside of that, I wasn't in a very good mood either. You just go after your head, you think you can do anything, but you fucking can't! Who do you think you are?!"

"I'm sorry.."

"It doesn't matter now. Don't come near me again, leave me alone," I pointed at him menacingly and began to walk away.

"BaekHyun!" he shouted after me but didn't care.

I'm mad at him, I thought forgiveness would be easier, but who's ever heard such an excuse? He wasn't in a good mood my ass..

I hate it when he's like this.

Although.. It must be hard for him, because our friendship is awfully strange, and that's my fault.

I think he's just getting tired of me, I understand, who wants to deal with a man who keeps pushing everybody away?

Exactly, nobody. And now I told him to leave me alone .. I'm out of my mind and I may have lost my best friend forever ... because of my own misery.

** _I fucking hate myself._ **


	37. [CHAPTER 037]

When I was in grammar class, Kibum was nowhere to be found. My classmates stared at the door in confusion, hoping their favorite boy would enter. He didn't. It's my fault, I should look for him, but I'm too stubborn, and after everything I've said to him, I'm sure he doesn't want to see me and I totally understand that.

After the bell rang, I felt the disgusted eyes on me, I still don't understand what the hell is wrong with them, I haven't done anything in the world. All of a sudden, everyone starts hating me at the same time just because I don't like physical contact?

Since I can't handle this pressure, I'd rather go out in the yard with my bag, I hate being stared at, so I’d freeze to death rather than endure this.

On the way out, I noticed the bigger crowd, at first I thought they were jumping around TaeYeon again, but I was wrong. Kibum stood there, wiping his face. When our eyes met he immediately turned away and hugged one of his friends, his shoulders were trembling.

No, don't cry for me, Bummie, be happy, you'll never have to deal with my phobia, you have so many friends, it's irrelevant to cry because you lost one, at least it'll be easier for you.

Making a face I walked out of the school. I really need the cold air right now. Outside, I leaned my back against the wall and stared at the clear sky.

I messed up. I ruined everything, just when I needed him the most, I pushed him away. Even so, I feel like it's best for the both of us. I don't have to keep secrets and lie to him, and he.... he is fine without me. I'm nothing, it's better that he doesn't waste his time on me anymore. The rest of his friends will be there, at least he can hug them.

I didn't lie when I said I'd die if I lose him, half of me really got lost, Kibum ripped a part of me and took it with him.

I have no idea how I'm going to function without him. I'll never hear all his crap again, he's not going to make me smile, and it breaks me.

Kibum has always meant more than a best friend, even a brother. We've developed a bond over the years that a lot of people would envy. Our relationship was stronger than love, but I just had to ruin it because I didn't want him to suffer with me. I'll handle everything on my own, no matter how hard it gets.

I grimace at the sound of the bell. I have no desire to continue today, can't I go home? Looking at the ground, I wandered back into the building, not noticing how cold it was outside, just now because I'm shaking.

When I entered there were three boys standing in the hallway. I frowned. The classes already started, what are they doing out here? Ahh... These are SeungHyun's friends. I can't even get around them, my classroom is right beside them. They were laughing at something so I was hoping they wouldn't notice me. I tried to walk quietly.

"Oh, look what we got here" the tallest of them laughed, staring straight at me with a grin. "The little freak of the school. The boy who doesn't like being touched," he said sarcastically. I wasn't paying attention, I walked past them.

"Where do you think you're going?" he grabbed my hoodie, pulled me back, and I fell down on my ass. A gasp escaped my lips. I heard them laughing which made me angry. I tried to get up, but the other two students just pushed me back to the ground.

"No one allowed you to get up faggot." My eyes widened "A bird chirped that you are gay, is that right?" he leaned infront of me.. I grimaced. "What, a cat got your tongue?" I raised my hand, tried to push him away but he didn't move. I will have a panic if he won't move. "Silence means consent," he slapped my face, crouched down and whispered in my ear. "I'd run if I were you," he backs away with a disgusting sarcastic grin.

I stoop up trembling, thankfully my bag was on my shoulder so I just rushed out without thinking while questions attacked my brain. How.. How do they know? I mean, I never told anyone else just...

Just Kibum..

But he would never betray me.

RIGHT?!


End file.
